"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Poetry Bus on tour

Start with your favourite word, she says. Then write a poem about it, she says. Sorry Rachel, I've been through the alphabet but nothing satisfactorily rhymes with Arse-biscuit. So it'll have to be my second favourite word....

If you’re feeling woozy-headed
And your spectacles are fogging,
Your knees are weak
And you can’t speak?
It’s probable you’re snogging.

The statisticians tell us
(From the data that they’re logging)
That nowadays
There’s quite a craze
For this bilateral snogging.

Some men, I’ve heard are partial
To a little bit of flogging,
And others who
Are partial to
Some good old-fashioned snogging.

Its really quite good exercise
And much more fun than jogging.
So don’t be chaste,
Trim down that waist
Through anaerobic snogging.

So, all ye on computers, time
To put aside the blogging.
Let’s follow Keats!
Reclaim the streets
With ostentatious snogging.
(Actually, please don't. I hate people who snog in queues for the bus or for the cake shop or for the bank)


  1. Excellent to get blogging in too!

  2. love that 'ostentatious snogging':-) I think you could see it as a call for more public displays of affection rather than a park full of teenagers playing tonsil tennis.
    thanks for sharing

  3. Here in my little corner of the world, I've never heard of "snogging." Looked it up on Wikipedia. It's actually in there.
    Accolades for a galloping poem!
    I hope the Poetry Bus stops here

  4. Nice one Peter, I do like the way you fitted in blogging there as well.
    Lovely job.

  5. Ah wonderful - a contemplation on snogging. And me too - I TRY to just be happy for the bank queue snoggers but they irk me. Now, off to find a way to trim my waist. In private.

  6. Brilliant!

    But why has no one else asked what an arse-biscuit is? Do they know something I don't?
    I have no intention of doing a search for it as bad things may come.

  7. I do love a bit of snogging or smooching. Thanks
    Titus - check out English Mum Blog for truly lovely arsebiscuits

  8. Good one! You remind me that I was once (35 years ago) chucked out of the coffee bar in a department store in Wolverhampton for ostentatious snogging. It was worth it.

  9. What a fun read, but as we'd say here, "No Lollygagging!"

  10. and you can be sure people out doggin enjoy a bit of snoggin... :-)

  11. Being from the Colonies, I was completely unfamiliar with this word. I feel elucidated. If unsnogged.

    By the way, the two column layout in my poem wasn't any kind of literary device. It just makes it possible to read the whole thing without scrolling. I do it all the time, but for some reason on this post someone started that beer wagon careening down the hill in an early comment. And it's been gaining momentum ever since.

    But I might just have to try it on purpose sometime and see what I can do with it.

  12. Lollygagging? That's a great word too! WC, I considered dogging (poetically) but probably wisely decided against! Dominic, a Wolverhampton department store? You old romantic, you! Jennifer,god, they irk me too!

  13. Not a great fan of the queue snogging either. Great fun. Thank you for stopping over and leaving a comment on my blog. I somehow lost it, but I have corrected the typo you pointed out. Thank you for that. Loved your poem and your word brought smiles of reminisces.

  14. My husbund of but a few hours and I were chucked out of a cafe in Weymouth for ostentatious snogging! 30 years ago that was. And there's nothing wrong with a bit of lollygagging either! Triffick pome!

  15. I love it, I had to look up Snogging to see what it was. I suppose that makes me a stooge, LOL.

  16. What a laugh to start my tuesday which is a cleaning day without snogging, we were away at the weekend and did a bit of snogging then!

  17. yes yes yes!
    though it's true, snogging is much better when you're participating than when you're unwillingly watching.

  18. Hi Ann, thanks for the comment. Argent, Weymouth is much classier than Wolverhampton!Eric, no, it doesn't! Christine, you had the weekend I only dream about. NanU, yes, I wonder if my begrudgert is down to sheer envy at their youth and passion. D.O. thanks for that. Pauline, as Kylie once said, I should be so lucky...

  19. I'm with you—public snogging is just rude and disgusting (especially when tongues are involved).
    When I was a youth, I wrote a poem about a kiss that sounded romantic, but focussed on how I couldn't breathe. This brought that experience all back to me. Good one!

  20. Can a Narcissist do that??!! LOL!

    Peter, thanks for your comment you left for Magpie 7. You actually got it. I wrote a short essay this morning about that!


  21. Hmmmm - so it trims down the waist, does it?

    Great poem - although I noticed you didn't answer Titus's question?

  22. Hi PF, I have no idea what an arse-biscuit is. Fr Jack yelled it out in one episode of Fr. Ted and now I refer to most people around me as 'arse biscuit". Emerging writer links above to an English Mum blog in which she actually bakes arse-biscuits!
    Hi Rick, thanks for that! Sometimes I'm afraid I don't see the obvious!
    Hi Kat, don't do it in the street and frighten the horses, eh?