"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Monday, June 13, 2011

Boarding the Mixed Metaphor Poetry Jamjar

This week's pot of poetry jam is being driven by the exotic Nancy Uhrhammer (or NanU for short) (or N for even shorter) and her prompt is to take your pick of the three pictures above and write about one of them. Please visit the other auteurs de confiture poetique for more thoughtful responses.

As a tribute to those poor souls currently slaving over the Junior Cert (Kate, get off this blog and start revising!) I have not read the question properly and have composed a nonsense poem (as a change from my normal searing literary quests for truth and enlightenment) encompassing all three of the above prompts. I give you a pot of cherry, rugby and bicycle jam (with extra metaphors)

She had lips like red cherries,
she played full-back for Skerries,
like a bicycle chained in the snow.
But now the cherries are schnappsed
and the scrum has collapsed
and the bicycle saddle’s too low.

She was sweet cherry brandy
and her side-step was handy,
like a bicycle chained to a rack,
but the wasps swarmed around,
I was hauled to the ground
and the snow covered up her one track.

Cherry lips, what a looker!
She was warm as a hooker
till the time that I tinkled her bell.
Then she turned stony-hearted,
to the sin-bin I departed,
firmly locked in the bike rack of hell.

And now the cherries have shrivelled,
the full-back has swivelled
and the bike’s trundled off in the night.
Yes, the fruit tree is bare
and the full back’s not there
and my bicycle clips are too tight.


  1. Utterly brilliant Peter - love it!

  2. Ditto! Particularly the schnappsed cherries.
    And those three photos made me think sexy too.

  3. A delicious mix of sex and bikes and rugby. I did miss your usual searing literary composition but then you have given us the so-enlightened rhymes of shnappsed/collapsed and shrivelled/swivelled, so my mind is quite happy, thank you.

  4. Love it! How clever of you to mix the three prompts.

  5. Definitely another Peter Goulding masterpiece - I love it! And I'll bet Nan will too since you are actually talking about Rugby (whereas I was just pretending that I MIGHT talk about Rugby).

  6. you sir area poetic mad genius...this is a riot, perfect blending and humor...

  7. Oh my! Oh my! Wrap it up in a tune, sing it ~ a surefire hit!

  8. True Golding through and through. A riotous blend!

  9. This is great. What talent to combine the three prompts in such a lyrical way! Love it.

  10. Just me, lurking. Brill as ever!


    P.S. I injured myself falling down the stairs and took to reading your book as a tonic, BUT I was laughing so hard and my ribs were killing me, so I had to STOP!

  11. A triple play! You get the award for most creative Jam! I'm still laughing!

  12. I found this greatly amusing.

  13. Many thanks to everyone. You is too kind, as usual.