"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The newspaper cutting Poetry Bus

Transatlantic poet superstar Niamh is in the driver's seat this week and the task is, and I quote, "Pick a newspaper, any newspaper. Find a small little story - you know the kind - no more than 2 inches of print "Boy saves dog during thunderstorm" "Man lives to be 1000" - those kind of things... ie a really short little news item - nothing majorly important. Make a poem inspired by it"
I managed to scab a Metro in the canteen. It only had one short news snippet, so my choice was somewhat limited -

"Police arrest rhino poachers"
Two alleged rhino poachers have been arrested in South Africa's Kruger National Park. The poachers were allegedly found in possession of rhino horns, a source said.

Rhino poaching

I’m sitting in this cell with paranoia,
accused, by all accounts, of rhino poaching.
They haven’t even given me a lawyer
and the date set for my case is fast approaching.

I’ve no idea what sentence they’re demanding –
it could be firing squad, as far as I know!
Somewhat harsh, as to my understanding,
I’m sure there’s no such crime as poaching rhino.

Okay, it was a culin’ry disaster.
(Worse by far if we had gone and killed it)
Honestly, it went quite well with pasta,
but, looking back, perhaps we should have grilled it.


  1. Hi Peter - love the poem - had me laughing long before I reached the end - as did your fantastic header! I am always reading your comments on the blogs of others,, so have now put you on my blog list.

  2. Only you Pete could
    A)Find a report about Rhino poaching
    B)make it funny!
    I like the sound(if perhaps not the taste)of eating raw, perhaps even live, Rhino. Very Hester Blumenthal!

    Ps.Candidate for rhyme of the week with, paranoia /Lawyer.

  3. Leave it to you to turn something like that on its ear, er horn. How very Ogden Nash.

    I'm picturing a very large pot with boiling water and someone wielding a gigantic spoon with which to poach.

    Actually, I think cartoonist Gary Larson could do wonders with this angle too.


  4. Excellent as usual - I really do look forward to your poesm a great deal :)

  5. You have me laughing out loud at this one, Pete! When the family asked what was so funny, I just kind of shook my head and said, "You probably had to be there." He, he, he! Love it!!

  6. Many thanks for the encouraging comments. Am off to google Hester Blumenthal....

  7. You'll do better trying Heston.
    Lawks! That TFE!