"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Monday, June 21, 2010

World Cup 2010 - Day 11

Portugal 7 North Korea 0 (Group G)

From Lisbon did the caravels set sail
Southwards to the Cape, full of good hope.
South, past schools of porpoise and of whale,
The captain’s eye glued to the telescope.
But, off a coast that was replete with ivory,
The mighty ships were suddenly becalmed.
The doldrums! But the men survived unharmed,
The thoughts of future riches too salivary.
Then into view there sailed Korean dhows,
Small and fast but breaches wafer thin.
Muskets fired and cannon loudly thundered,
Delivering a broadside cross their bows.
The caravels attacked with discipline
And sevenfold the flimsy dhows were plundered.

Chile 1 Switzerland 0 (Group H)

When teams engage in cynical time wasting,
Then fall behind and have to chase the game,
Their new-found haste is always so sweet-tasting.

When teams engage in cynical time wasting,
It’s good to see them get a proper pasting.

They know themselves they’ve no-one else to blame,
When teams engage in cynical time wasting,
Then fall behind and have to chase the game.

Honduras 0 Spain 2 (Group H)

Did you fail to score, Fernando?
Did the fates conspire against you
When you went in for the kill?
Was your first touch poor, Fernando?
Are you struggling for fitness?
Was your role to be a witness
To David Villa’s deadly skill?

You were rubbish in the air tonight,
Your shots lacked bite, Fernando.
The lack of confidence was there to see
Unfortunately, Fernando.
Though they tried their best to set you up,
You couldn’t score.
Every time you fluffed a chance again,
I felt your pain, Fernando.

When you’re old and grey, Fernando,
Will you look back on this World Cup
And regret your loss of form?
When you’ve had your day, Fernando,
Will you dream about your failures
To the sound of vuvuzelas
Roaring like a thunderstorm?

You weren’t hungry for the ball, tonight,
No appetite, Fernando,
It was never really meant to be –
A scoring spree, Fernando.
Though we backed you as top scorer in
The scoring charts,
If I could only place the bet again,
I might refrain, Fernando.


  1. Brilliant, especially the Fernando one, fantastic

  2. Thanks Niamh - and for your other comments too!