"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Uno ticketo for el Poetry Busso

Okay, I have no idea what is happening in the picture above. The caption says "Keith Carter girl," which seems a strange name for her.
But in return for one poetry bus ticket from the lovely Terresa, I must try to capture this enigmatic photo through the medium of words. Or maybe just scribble down any old piece of tat.

Spontaneous combustion

“Spontaneously combusted?”
Cried her husband, most disgusted.
“That’s no way for a wife of mine to act.”
“The conflagration’s partial,”
Explained Ban Garda Marshall.
“Her bottom half is practically intact.”

“I’m glad that statement’s qualified,”
The husband said, quite mollified.
“Though Lord, I paid a fortune for that fur.
But she’d a harsh and strident voice
And, by God, if I’d the choice,
The bottom half’s the one that I’d prefer.”


  1. As Kevin said (just over my shoulder),"He really is a master with the rhyme, isn't he?"
    I can say no more,
    than I've done before,
    to restate the plain
    is a crime!

    Not "tat", says Kat

  2. Great poem, an utter delight to read. The rhythm is wonderful, and the dialogue had me smiling from ear to ear.

  3. Dear Peter: Can hear John Cleeves reciting this mollification of the Missus "Molly" Ban Garda Marshall (who the heck is this? Oh never mind; I'll google for my education on homegrown UK politics is somewhat spartan; yet I'm a slow and steady learner). I've heard the furbelow much preferred by men of like ilk. And is far better fur for sure then any Canadian beaver pelt hat seller can atest! You are a hooted RIOT!!!:)Smiles ps I'll try my hand at this one this time or use some other reasonable facsmilie.

  4. Yes, they're right, you do comic verse so very well, the rhyme surprises and the rhythm unifies. The second stanza is brilliant - that build to the punchline delayed with glorious details.
    And I laughed a lot, which is the main point. Also astonished that you got a funny one from this!

  5. Fun entry! This one made me grin. :)

  6. Thank you all very much for the kind words. Chic - a Ban Garda is, sorry, was, the official title given to lady policewomen in Ireland before the title was deemed sexist. Don't bother googling Ban Garda Marshall! She exists merely to rhyme with 'partial'
    Titus - thanks, yes, I can always see the funny side in someone burning to death.
    Kat and Kevin,you're too kind!!
    Sam, glad you liked it
    Terresa - a most intriguing prompt! Bravo!

  7. Oh my what a relationship they must have had!
    My favourite lines are the last two
    And, by God, if I’d the choice,
    The bottom half’s the one that I’d prefer.”
    Great acidic wit

  8. Wicked! In both senses of the word :-)

  9. Yet another darkly hilarious work, well wear

  10. The poor poor woman, is all I can say.
    super rhythms drive this one along

  11. I do love your wickedly funny versicles! Such an antidote to all the earnestness going on today!

  12. Wickedly funny is right! What great humor and great punch in the punch lines!

  13. Boom, boom! In both senses.Very funny Pete.

  14. is there no end to your wit? :-D
    love it!

  15. Good one! The gag always reminds me of Lawrence Durrell who (according to Gerald, in My Family and Other Animals) made a similar remark about the magician's trick of sawing a woman in half, scandalising their mother.

  16. Thanks Dominic, never heard of the Lawrence Durrell story. This came from the Billy Connolly Tell Laura I love her joke / song where Laura was blown to bits and "I searched and searched but couldnae find the bit I was looking for"
    Thanks everyone for the encouragement