"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Monday, April 12, 2010

Poetry Bus stopping at Lucan

Only three miles down the road from me but no discounts - still got to produce a poem. This time, Niamh's instructions were basically to go to your email inbox and see what inspires you (okay, they were more specific, but being a person of limited intelligence, I opted for the scaled-down version.) To see how some real poets tackled the task, follow the links here

A call for help from Yakoumi

Such a tale of distress
In my Outlook Express!
Yakoumi is close to hysteria.
Her husband (a colonel)
Showed life’s not eternal
When he crashed in a plane in Nigeria.

Yes, her Winston has gone
But as I read on
The source of more woe was apparent.
For she’d wealth beyond dreams
Of which a fraction (it seems)
Could ever be won from Chris Tarrant.

Eighty million in stocks
And in shares, in a box
In the vault of the Bank of America.
A bright silver lining
To soften her pining
Though the circumstance made her hystericker.

(‘Twould have been stony-hearted
To ask how the departed
Had a fortune the envy of many
I was much more conciliatory,
Accepting the military
In Nigeria earns a good penny)

But Yakoumi explained
In words tearful and stained,
This widow, still suffering bereavement,
Couldn’t access this tin box
(She wept in my inbox)
And to do so would be an achievement.

Now the reason she’s troublin’
This “kind man” from Dublin –
She had heard I was most philanthropic.
It’s a friend that she needs
To help access the deeds
And my name had come up on this topic.

To retrieve this huge wealth,
I must move with great stealth
And send on my PIN to Yakoumi.
To repay my assent,
A most tasty per cent
Of her fortune will be transferred to me.

So I’ve sent on my PIN
With a wink and a grin
And my signature (scanned) in black biro.
For I remember the hassle
When I lived in Newcastle
And attempted to cash in my Giro.

I sure hope God will bless
This poor girl in distress
And she’ll see it all through with great honour.
Thank God she chose me
To escape poverty
And not someone who might try and con her.


  1. Dear Peter: I love your politcal satire poetry. What a hoot and a purposeful hoot! Fun and games! Where's Lucan? We have a Lucan here in Canada. You've heard of the "Black Donnelly's"? Oh yeah!

  2. I can hear this one getting cheers read aloud to a crowd!

  3. Alan Burnett of "News From Nowhere" wrote a poem last week using verification words ( I've been meaning to do that) and now you go and write another one I've been meaning to do. (Mind you, I don't think I could top THIS one!)

  4. That's a cracker! Rhyme of the week was going to be America/Hystericker, it could even have been philanthropic/ topic but it has to be apparent/Chris Tarrant.FABIOSO!

  5. Peter, I love this! Yes, deffo needs to be read aloud. Very witty and I love some of the rhymes you've come up with. Kudos!

  6. just reread this aloud - america/ hystericker - tinbox/ inbox - so many brilliant brilliant rhymes here

  7. This is a rollicking good read! Have we ALL had this email from Yakoumi? I agree with Rachel, I can hear the cheers for this one!

  8. Jane, Lucan is a once small village outside Dublin, now transformed into a large suburb. There was an old saying once - I'm leaving Dublin and going to Lucan.
    Thanks everyone for the comments. If you'd like to send some money too to help poor Yakoumi...

  9. Classic! I'm sending her my credit card details as I write . . .

  10. lol!... love it! and thank god you did the right thing, the poor woman! I admire the way your humour seems boundless.. brill! cheers!

  11. I really liked this :D

  12. Cheers from me too. God, I love the good guys!