"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Humorous poetry? What's that?

Stirring the Jam this week is Evelyn from Boston (probably Ma rather than Lincolnshire) who needs a dollop of humour to add to the ingredients. I'm sorry, I don't do humour. You will have to be content with a despondent dirge about unfaithfulness.

My wife is in the cellar

My wife is in the cellar
with her latest fancy feller
and no-one knows about it, except me.
I’m in a quandary whether
I should leave them there together
or if I should go down there after tea.

So sensual and so sultry
with a penchant for adult’ry –
five years ago we had such wedded bliss
but she relished all the danger
of liaisons with a stranger
and now it seems I’ve been reduced to this.

Her sexual capacity
was matched by her voracity
while once a week is perfect for myself,
so she’d entertain her men friends,
casual callers and her pen-friends,
while I was in the kitchen drying delph.

Yes, my wife is in the cellar
with her latest fancy feller
and there they will remain for evermore,
entwined in love’s embrace,
a look of shock upon each face,
a good two feet beneath the cellar floor.


  1. haha...a little poe-ish there at the end...nice job saving the give away to the end as def was wondering why you would put up with it..smiles.

  2. A good poem full of humor and finally murder-revenge. In the tradition of the murder ballad, sort of. I really like this one.

  3. I should add that it's good to have something daring and meaty out there, not politically correct. Oddly refreshing.

  4. this is most CERTAINLY my kind of funny...

  5. You don't do humor? Ha - good one! As is the poem. I love a little dark humor now and then.

  6. Brian, many thanks, though as I tend to murder my wife in most of my poems....
    TS - Thanks for that - meaty is quite a good adjective in the circumstances
    Evelyn - Glad you liked it.
    Mary of the talking chicken, many thanks for the kind comment

  7. I was going to say that I fear for your wife. Does she ever give you suggestions on new ways to murder her? Ha!

  8. ... your poem would be great set to music! I mean really great!

  9. lol- This is hilarious and reads well, too.

  10. hahah:) very fun and lively. i agree with brian, had a dark poe energy to it i enjoyed very much.

  11. Brillaint, a great image to end on, does your wife not get a bit nervous?

  12. This made me grin and fill up with a lovely warm wicked feeling that is ever so delicious. Doubleplusgood, sir.

  13. I most definitely agree with Helen! In fact, when I started reading, I could already hear the melody in my head!! Bravo!! Now take a bow!!

  14. Simulataneously hilarious and dark. Just what I've come to expect from you poems. JOD

  15. Ah, Peter, your meter excels. I loved some of those rhymes too (capacity and voracity spring to mind). You croaked her exceptionally well this time.

  16. creative and cool humor..

    loved the word flow.

  17. sultry/ adult'ry
    (the post code is "murdah", too appropro)

  18. Ah, many thanks for your too kind comments. The encouragement is priceless.

  19. Funny poem! Two very believable characters as well.


  20. I'm oozing backward through your blog, loving it. I find humor to be the most difficult write, and do enjoy reading those who do it well.