"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Bad poetry

Imaginary garden with real toads challenges us to come up with an example of bad poetry. Not ever having studied the subject I can't tell what constitutes good or bad poetry. On the other hand, one of my favourite bugbears is cliches in pop songs. The songs you remember are ones that have interesting lyrics or approach things from a different angle.

A few years ago, Samantha Mumba (above) brought out a song (that I can't remember) with a lovely tune but whoever wrote the lyrics must have used every cliche in the book - walk / talk, love/above, heart/apart etc. This is my attempt to out-Mumba Samantha.

Baby, we had a special love.
I thought that it came from up above.
We’d go walking in the park
and we’d go smooching in the dark.
Baby I love the way you walk
and Baby I love the way you talk.
I thought our love would never end
and you’d always be my special friend.

But now I heard you’ve been running round town
and putting tears on the face of this clown.
Baby, I’m down on my knees
and begging you please
Please come back to me.

Now all I seem to do is cry.
I look in the mirror and ask myself why.
You had a special place in my heart
and I thought we never would part.
Now I stay in hugging my pillow
and crying like a weeping willow
which is a very sad thing to do
for a man of fifty two.

But now I hear you’ve been running round town
and everybody’s been putting you down.
Baby, I’m feeling so sad
and it’s hurting so bad.
Please come back to me.

Baby my heart will always be true
and I’ll never stop loving you.
You were my very night and day
and I’ll love you come what may.
Oh baby, I will always remember
that saddest day in cold November
when you turned and walked away
beneath that sky so dull and grey.

Oh now I hear you’ve been running round town
and all I can do is frown.
I’m begging you baby
please don’t say maybe,
Please come back to me.


  1. I can hear this would be a dead cert for a number one pop song, if you could find the right 'band' to write the music. LOL Far too good not to have a CD made, hehehe!

  2. I'm grinning from ear to ear (not a pretty sight!) Find a musician and set this to music - or do it yourself. It's a dead cert for that Eurovision thing that's on television and UK never wins - or even gets a vote!! Wonderful:-)

  3. This is brilliant! A great sense of humour poked at all those cliches, loved it.

  4. William MacGonagal . . eat your heart out. Superbly bad, Peter! And makes you realize how crass and clichéd, repetitive and boring many song lyrics are when you take the music away . . "Hey, Mr.Tamborine Man" for example.

  5. I love all the shadows of other pop songs that haunt this!
    But you'll never win the prize when you leave lines as good as
    'which is a very sad thing to do
    for a man of fifty two.'
    in it.

    Ooh, husband has just said that Brendan Shine said,
    'I'm very nifty
    for a man of fifty.
    Catch me if you can
    My name is Dan
    Sure, I'm you're man.'

    Do you look as good as Samatha Mumba though?

  6. That would be 'your man'. Got spelling issues tonite.

  7. good effort - but you will never defeat the King of the truly appalling rhyme - Sting

    Much as i love The Police is there any excuse for : He starts to shake and cough/ just like the old man in the book by Nabkov?

    And -
    Giant steps are what we take/i hope my leg dont break?


  8. This is fairly excruciating... Well done.

    Thanks for sharing your work on Real Toads.

  9. It's so bad I'm sure that it would be a hit! Of course, you missed the "rhyme a word with itself" trick that I hear so often in pop songs. I love that one! After all, it's taxing to come up with a rhyme for "love."

  10. Should bring tears of a clown to everyone.
    Well done.

  11. Well, it was being bad until you got to pillow/willow and then it got funny (and in a good way). So you failed your test really because it's only part bad... but I'm glad.