(Part of my anti-Hallowe’en Campaign)
On a dreary Hallowe’en morning,
As the damp, dank day was dawning,
I drove to the Shopping Centre
Lying off St. Stephen’s Green.
Into Dunnes, I stalked, unblinking,
Past the pumpkins, soft and stinking,
All the while morosely thinking,
“God, how I hate Hallowe’en!”
On this day before All Hallows,
I strode past the mounds of mallows,
Past the toffee apples shining
With a most unwholesome sheen,
Past the packs of fizzy colas,
Daubed with witches, to cajole us,
Guaranteed to rot the molars
Of our kids at Hallowe’en.
Though my eyes could not resist a
Glance at this disgusting vista,
Still I pushed on, till the object
Of my visit could be seen.
There, piled high, untouched, exciting,
Underneath the neon lighting,
Sat the broccoli, so inviting
On this morn of Hallowe’en.
“Just the job!” I shouted gaily,
Dancing high, as at a ceilidh,
While some disconcerted shoppers
Hurried quickly from the scene.
With heart no longer melancholy,
But wild, excited, happy, jolly,
I dumped the whole lot in my trolley.
What a treat for Hallowe’en!
Back home, on the kitchen table,
I took my knife, so sharp and able,
And cut the heads down into florets,
Thousands of them, fresh and green.
By the front door, it sits waiting,
This broccoli, invigorating,
Perfume strong and enervating,
For the kids at Hallowe’en.
Every year they’re knock-knock-knocking,
With a constancy quite shocking,
Demanding that I fill their bags with
Acid drop and jelly bean.
“Trick or treat!” they yell in greeting,
Underneath their plastic sheeting,
Yep, I’ll give them trick or treating,
On this night of Hallowe’en.
When their bags are opened cockily,
Into them I’ll dump my broccoli,
Extolling all its healthy virtues –
How it makes you strong and lean.
Certainly they’ll find it galling,
Some might even say appalling,
When the little dears come calling
On my door this Hallowe’en.
Forget your monsters, big and hairy,
Vampires dribbling blood so scary.
One thing’s bound to chill the blood of
Children sev’n to seventeen.
Brave broccoli! So green and gleaming
On a hot plate, fresh and steaming,
Guaranteed to send them screaming
From your door this Hallowe’en.