"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Friday, September 24, 2010

Back to Childhood Poetry Bus Part Deux

As threatened, here is the second part of my ticket for the Poetry Bus.
I envisage this as a Country and Western song, sung sad and slow. I had thought of doing an audio representation of it but I can't sing or play an instrument, so perhaps someone (Watercats? Pixies?) could record it for me, send it off to Kris Kristoffersen and make us all a tidy sum of money?
Or maybe not...

Where do old cartoon characters go?

In a bar in Muskogee,
Boo Boo and Yogi
are drinking rum with Ranger Smith.
Down the back, Hong Kong Phooey
drains another Drambuie
and orders another forthwith.
Wile E. Coyote,
his voice deep and throaty,
sings songs by Edith Piaf,
while Quick Draw McGraw
lies drunk on the floor
and Snagglepuss orders another carafe.

Where do old cartoon characters go
when network executives call off their show?
Unwanted, discarded,
they sit, broken-hearted,
reminiscing of times long ago.
Where do old cartoon characters go?

Officer Dibble
is starting to dribble
but Top Cat and Benny don’t care.
At the bar, Mr. Jinks
is ordering drinks
but Foghorn’s asleep in the chair.
P-p-p-p-porky Pig tells Bugs Bunny,
“Man, once you were funny”
and Elmer Fudd nods his assent,
and a drunken Dick Dastardly
looks around plasteredly,
wondering where in the world Muttley went.

Where do old cartoon characters go
when kids of today much prefer Mario?
In this bar, like a morgue,
I see Deputy Dawg
and Muskie sing songs deep and low.
Where do old cartoon characters go?

Near the door, Tom and Jerry
share a vodka and cherry,
Woody Woodpecker’s sick in the bin.
And Pepe Le Pew
drinks his own special brew,
the Tasmanian Devil’s on gin.
Spike and Scooby are brawling,
The Pink Panther is falling
from his barstool down onto the ground.
But they all turn to look
when a drunk Daffy Duck
makes amorous advances to Huckleberry Hound.

Where do old cartoon characters go?
Speedy Gonzales has gone very slow.
Sylvester and Tweetie
call everyone sweetie
and ask for a nickel to go.
Where do old cartoon characters go?

Where do old cartoon characters go?
Penelope Pitstop knocks back the Bordeaux.
Professor Pat Pending
appears to be spending
a penny in the communal po.
Where do old cartoon characters go?


  1. These are great ... you deserve a seat in the very front of the bus - right next to Rachel.

    If ever there is a Sesame Street - Adult version, you could be a STAR!

  2. A lovely blast from the past, Pete.Beautifully crafted but the stand alone gem- Hong Kong Fooey with his Drambuie...love it!

  3. I love it - so this is what they do when they're not cartooning lol

  4. Now you have made me sad. Sigh. Maybe Jessica Rabbit & Betty Boop will show up & liven up the party LOL.

  5. Dear Peter: Great takes!These "plastered" cartoon reruns should be run out of town! Nah, there's always a place in my "toon" brain for more! Sung to "An Ogie from Muskogee"? I got to get the youtube song and transpose...or maybe someone could think up the musical score. This is excellent 'cause I have always wondered this myself, pad'ner, where did that pesky varmit git to? (Channeling Silvester Smead here).

  6. Do I detect a mis-spent youth watching cartoon?! LOL

  7. Brilliant! Makes me want to sidle right up to the bar and grab a seat next to Foghorn. Here's looking at you kid!

  8. a) I love reading things so obviously by people exactly the same generation as me
    b) This is brilliant.

    The lines
    Where do old cartoon characters go?
    Penelope Pitstop knocks back the Bordeaux.
    will be with me a very long time.

  9. Rachel - merci;
    Helen - I somehow doubt I'm destined for stardom;
    TFE -many thanks;
    GM - yup, the bits they don't want to show us! Bug - nope, they OD'd a long time ago, sorry!
    Chic - ah, those pesky varmints! Are there any other sort?
    Jinksy - got it in one!
    Muse Swings - I wouldn't get too close to Mr Leghorn if I were you!
    Titus - yes, I'm with you all the way on the generation thing. Many thanks

  10. Oh! How many hours, how many days, of my young life were spent in laughter and camaraderie with my friends the cartoons? Your poem brought them back to me, hilariously.

  11. Do you know...I always doubted the honesty of that lot...proved true...bully!!!

  12. You win! You win! You win! After reading this one, I could say, "That's All, Folks!"

    I think you named every one of my old buddies, and I love picturing them in their paunchy, raunchy down in the dumps, taking their lumps celluloid now!

    For this one, I bow.