"Seven bums and fourteen legs,
a brazen ecstasy which begs
the question some of us are asking -
is Peter Goulding multi-tasking?"

Martin Parker, Editor, Lighten Up Online

Sunday, July 4, 2010

World Cup 2010 - Day 24

Everyone is twittering and tweeting
About the incident on Friday night.
Could this action be construed as cheating?
Can anyone define what’s wrong or right?
I’m not talking here of Ronan Keating
(I hope his heart recovers from the pain)
But Suarez’ handball that they keep repeating
On Sky, again, again, again, again.

Some analysts apparently are bleating
That justice in this case has not been done.
By all accounts, it seems that it is eating
Them that Ghana did not win two-one.
And now it seems a lobby is entreating
FIFA to take up an active role
And urgently convene a special meeting
To introduce the so-called ‘penalty goal.’

Such arguments, I fear, are self-defeating –
The rule would be too awkward to define.
The incident perhaps may be too fleeting,
And where would referees then draw the line?
A penalty and, by one man, depleting
The side that has not played things strictly fair
Seems punishment enough for so-called cheating
(Which I’d have done myself if I’d been there.)

If I had picked a team to be world-beating,
I’d want no-one who stood on etiquette.
And if I ever saw a hand retreating,
When the ball was heading for the empty net,
By God, it’s very soon I’d be completing
His transfer to the C-League in Iran.
If this is what the crowd define as cheating,
Then I have always been a cheating man.
Just to add my tuppenceworth - cheating I feel is something done underhand and secretly. Suarez actions were done in full view and with full knowledge of the consequences.


  1. Dear Peter: Great Poem...funny!!!I love those analysts "bleating" those old goats!
    Yeah, I have heard that odds on fav are the Brazilians. Time will tell. You cant expect fair play?
    Wonders if the game is "fixed"?
    Wonders how much up for grabs?
    Is there any thing to the Sports Illustrated curse? When a soccer star or whoever gets a cover they get jinxed. Did you hear about this. Do you do the comedy circuit? Big Bucks in this! You've heard of a funny guy from Canada that is going across the pond to play in Britian this fall..go to www.RussellPeters.com (I think he is a soccer fan too as he has soccer stats on his website). I talk to Torontian Jack Dani who just had a stint at Windsor Ontario's Vegas - Windsor Casino!

  2. Peter, I can honestly say I've enjoyed this World Cup, from a more balanced perspective, than almost any other (France's year was great though - little, little, Lizarazu!) and that's down to you. Should be networked in some very major newspaper. Now.

  3. Thanks Chic - only 4 countries left now - Uruguay, Germany, Spain and Holland.
    Titus - thanks for the very flattering words. Its hardly great poetry but I'm glad somebody likes it!!