The stammering poet

To the sea, to the sea...

2012-02-18T09:40:00.003Z

Okay, flight leaving in about 3 hours. Great and very privileged to be going on holiday at this time of year. Back Wednesday 29th.
If anybody's interested, we're off to a city of 7 million people, in the tropics (just) and where every taxi is a Toyota. The picture above should give another clue.

Zozimus - launch of biography

2012-02-16T02:47:00.004Z

Although I am thrilled to be heading off on holidays on Saturday, the joy is not unbridled as it means I will be missing the launch of Liam O'Meara's book on the Blind Bard of the Liberties, Michael Moran aka Zozimus.
Zozimus was a street bard in the early nineteenth century who would go around Dublin reciting his own poetry. The Finding of Moses and Saint Patrick was a Gentleman are two of his more famous works. Though poets today may sneer at this semi-literate wordsmith, there is something heroic in his bringing poetry to the people.
Liam O'Meara is of course the man behind the Ledwidge awards and already the author of one book on the Meath poet. "Zozimus - The Life and Works of Michael Moran" promises to be an enjoyable, readable and authoritative biography.
The launch takes place next Thursday 23rd February at 7pm in the Gallery Zozimus on Francis Street, Dublin 8 and will be performed by the inimitable Brush Shiels who I last saw in the Wexford Inn back in the mid eighties.

Patti Smith and toads

2012-02-11T02:14:00.002Z

Back in the day, I had mixed feelings about Patti Smith. As a rock and roll artist she was up there with the best. Horses is an album I still play regularly and she had a 4-track EP around that time called Ask the Angels which I loved too. If only, I thought, as a 16 year old, into the Pistols, the Ramones and The Clash, if only she'd give up all that pretentious poetry nonsense which didn't really make sense, just a load of images laced together which slowed down the music something fierce. Give me Gloria over Piss Factory any day of the week.
Older now and wiser and a lot more mature, I still prefer Patti the rocker to Patti the poet. Though I appreciate more now how she helped popularise poetry.
Anyway, the subject this week on Toads is, yup, Patti Smith, whom I only ever saw the once. But what a gig!

Patti Smith sings Gloria at the Roundhouse London 1976

Hands on hips, in the bright circle she stands,
dark eyes machine-gunning the crowd.
Piano chords rise slowly from unsure hands
and the restless audience whistles loud.
Half Janis Joplin, half Joey Ramone,
she waits, sexless and divine,
then tilts her Jagger lips to the mike.

Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine

The words drawl lazily over the swaying tide
of male adolescence, locked in a sweaty mass.
The changeling piano licks its lips with pride
and then guitar and cymbal start to kick ass.
The purring riff curls itself around the rhythm,
speeding up now, like a freight train clanking
through Queens on a harsh winter’s night.

I look out the window, see a sweet young thing

The wave of the crowd no longer rolls
but threshes and splashes, a godless
maelstrom of flesh, as Gloria strolls
up the stairs in her pretty red dress.
Patti is on her ripped jeans knees, hair
brushing the stage floor; her slight frame is
shaking as she screams the answer -

And her name is, and her name is, and her name is...

G – like a witch, she incants each letter,
back on her feet now, fists of rage,
Faster, faster, the bass pumps like a vendetta.
A young lad scrambles onto the stage
and is manhandled off by a scurrying roadie
back into the fiery waters of smothering brine
that wash against the stage front.

Oh she was so good, oh she was so fine

Patti prowls toward us, ever nearer,
sporting a sneer of satisfaction,
showing no mercy, leaning out like Hera,
taunting us, driving us down into distraction,
but we know its coming, we know it’s coming.
One final, thrashing guitar chord, one hard-line
cymbal crash and the relief, oh the blessed relief.

Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine.

Ode to the Olympians

2012-02-08T12:58:00.002Z

The Tapestry of Bronze wants to tell you about the Odes to Olympians, a poetry contest featuring Ares (Mars). There is a $50 prize for those 18 and older and another for those under 18. The contest may be entered until April 30, 2012 and it costs nothing to enter. To learn more about the contest, go here: http://www.tapestryofbronze.com/OdeForm.html Please share this with your colleagues and students!
I like this competition for a number of reasons - it's free, the people running it are nice people, I've won it before (David Mohan too) and also it educates you for all those unanswerable questions on Mastermind about Greek Mythology.

The First Cut and other good things

2012-02-07T08:55:00.002Z

I'm delighted to have a poem in Issue 5 of the First Cut, the organ of the Listowel Writers Group. This delightful online magazine has a nice mixture of poetry, prose and interviews and features lovely pieces by Tom Moloney and LA Speedwing (a member of our local writers group) as well as Kate Dempsey's interview with the u and coming and in fact already arrived Eleanor Hooker.
Other pieces of good news - my poem 'Sweat' was longlisted in the Plough Short Poetry competition, in fact beating Richard Halperin by one place on alphabetical order. This is the first and only time I will ever beat Richard.
I also have one poem shortlisted (out of 12) in the Plough Poems for Children category. The poems are sent to local schools and the children vote on their winner. Result expected soon. I made the shortlist last year and finished unofficial fourth (though I wonder if all the non-top three are told they narrowly missed out on that third spot!)
Also in the Flash 500 Humorous Verse competition, I was gobsmacked that all three of my submissions were longlisted and now two of them have made the shortlist of ten.
Despite all this, I'm still struggling to write. I did one humorous bit on Sunday but that was only for the company newsletter. Not sure why I'm disinterested in writing at the moment - maybe because I'm playing a lot of guitar, running and minding grandchildren and preparing for a ten day holiday on Saturday week. Oh well, it'll come...

Unsatiated by Hungry Hill

2012-02-02T21:24:00.002Z

Cherry Smyth's judging of this competition is now complete; we are sorry to tell you that you have not been successful. The shortlist was as follows:

Winner:‘One Morning in December’ by Gillian Eaton
Second place: ‘White Tower of Thessaloniki’ by Desmond Kon
Third place: ‘Gravity Hill’ by Patrick Toland

Highly commended: ‘In Harness’ by Gordon Simms
Highly commended: ‘Spoilage’ by Stephen Wilson

The shortlisted poems and others from the competition will be read at Sarah Walker Gallery, The Pier, Castletownbere, County Cork, at 2pm on Sunday 26 February. This will be a small event, but if by any chance you were able to come and read your entry you would of course be extremely welcome.
We shall publish a Poets Meet Politics anthology, either online or in pamphlet form; we'll give you details in a week or two.With very best wishes, and many thanks for your participation in this competition.

Ah rats, this was one of the competitions I sneakily hoped I had a chance in but it was not to be. Ashamed to say I don't recognise any of the names but well done to all.

Shot Glass Journal 6 is out

2012-02-02T05:52:00.003Z

Shot Glass Journal Issue #6 has been posted to the Muse-Pie Press site. In Issue #6, not only does Shot Glass Journal continue to broaden the international flavor of its poets from Canada, Curacao, England, Ireland, Italy, New Zealand, Spain, Switzerland, Wales and the US, but it introduces the widest age range of poets, from high school student to retiree. The reader will find a variety of poetry from contemporary free verse to more formal poetry forms including the Butterfly Cinquain, Cinquain, Ekphrastic, Monostich, Prose poem, Sonnet, Syllabic, Tanka prose, and Terza Rima. Be sure to visit the Writer’s Archive which links the poems of all of our previously published poets to the archived issue in which they were published. Feel free to leave a comment on our Comment Page by clicking on the “Leave Comment” in the upper left corner.
Submissions are now being accepted at musepiepress@aol.com for Shot Glass #7. The reading period ends June 15, 2012.
Orla Fay has a lovely sonnet in it called The Healing Land - check it out here

David takes the Cafe Writers

2012-01-31T19:56:00.002Z

Normally David Mohan wins a major competition of some sort every few weeks, or so it seems. Out of the class of Poetry Introductions Ireland 2010, he always seemed the most likely of us to be destined for greatness and his list of publications and successes leaves mere mortals gaping.
Anyway, he's only after doing it again -

I’m delighted to announce the results of the Café Writers 2011 Poetry Competition. 2146 poems were entered in total. The full results are:

1st David Mohan, Dublin Wildfire £1000
2nd John Whitworth, Canterbury The Burnt Child £300
3rd Wes Lee, New Zealand Surgery Dog £150
Commended £50 each

Angela Readman, Newcastle Upon Tyne Hunting Elmer Fudd
Frances-Anne King, Bath When colour Left the World
Corrinna Toop, Aylesbury Siren
Alan Hill, Edinburgh Mémorial Des Deportations
Mir Mahfuz Ali, Kingston-Upon-Thames The Day God was Angry

Norfolk Prize £100
Merle Colborne, Norwich Fish Dancing in Desert

Funniest Poem £100 Claudine Toutoungi, Cambridge Piss Pot

The prize-giving will take place at our event on February 13th. It begins at 7.30 and there will be a reading by our judge Pascale Petit. The venue is Take 5 17 Tombland, Norwich, Norfolk NR3 1HF.
Congratulations to all the winners and a huge and a huge thanks to everyone who entered. The competition is vital to our ongoing programme and we will again be looking to increase the number and level of prizes in recognition of your loyalty.

My own two entries, of course, remain among the 2136...

Still cut off from Crannog

2012-01-25T16:04:00.004Z

24 January 2012
The editorial board of Crannóg Magazine has now read all submissions for the spring 2012 issue. Unfortunately, due to both the high quantity and quality of material received, we are unable to use your submission. We received some excellent work which we very regretfully had to omit due to limitations of the magazine’s size. Thank you for submitting to us. Please feel free to submit to future issues of Crannóg and do please keep in contact with us through our website: http://www.crannogmagazine.com
Publication date for Crannóg 29 is Friday February 24th.
With best regards
Editorial Board
Congratulations, albeit hissed through gritted teeth, to the lovely Orla Fay and the equally as lovely Miceal Kearney for getting in there. One day...

Power to Popshot

2012-01-20T07:24:00.001Z

There are just a few days left to submit to the seventh issue of Popshot Magazine, on the theme of 'Power'. Submissions have been open since December 1st and will come to an end on January 25th. So, if you have a few poems that you think might work with the theme and haven't sent them in yet - now is probably the time! Head to our submit page at - www.popshotpopshot.com/submit.html - to find out how to send in your scribblings and to make sure that they're 'Popshot material'.
To everyone who has already submitted to this issue, thank you so much for sending your poems in and you'll hear from us a few days after submissions finish on January 25th via this very mailing list.
All the best,
The Popshot Team

Unsurprisingly unplaced in Greg O'Donoghue

2012-01-13T22:23:00.003Z

The results of the first big poetry competition of the year are out and despite there being three winners, ten Highly Commendeds and seventy (yes, seventy) Commendeds up there, neither of my entries features. The disappointment has added somewhat to my New Year's poetical apathy - I am finding it very hard to write at the moment and, unusually for me, am starting to wonder what the point is. I've always had a very thick skin and can take a lot of knocks but I'm starting to realise that my lack of education is perhaps too big a drawback. I tend to write uncryptically and am constantly baffled by a lot of poetry that wins prizes. Maybe if I took evening classes in poetry, I might learn to appreciate modern poetry more but then, wouldn't I just be writing to win competitions, rather than writing for the love of it? And I do really like some of the stuff I've written in the past year.

Ah, enough maudlin self-pity, and get on with it.

New York, Michigan, Cork in that order. Only two Irish in the ten Commendeds, Mark Ryan from Clare and Padraig Rooney (above) who won Strokestown in 2010 and lives in Der Schweiz.

As usual the Trim Brigade features prominently with Michael Farry, Tom Dredge and Evan Costigan - all wonderful poets - appearing in the list. Peggy Gallagher is in there too and the somewhat-quiet-of-late David Mohan, and Mae Newman and Siobhan Flynn, another Strokestown veteran. The full results are here

Like Titus up in Scotland, I'm struggling with Blogger at the moment and don't appear to be able to answer comments, so apologies if you think I'm ignoring you - I'm not!

And remember, only one week left to submit for Strokestown.

Twenty five years on..

2012-01-11T20:16:00.003Z

and I'm still completely pissed off that he died so young.

Henry Goulding 14/5/1933 - 11/01/1987

Louise socks it to 'em

2012-01-10T21:16:00.003Z

Great news on the publishing front that the Artist Formerly Known as 120 Socks, the very lovely Louise Phillips, whose blog I have been following avidly, has been given a two book publishing deal by Hachette Publishing.

Her first novel Red Ribbons will be in bookshops from October 2012, though it will be a trade paperback a couple of months before that. As my concentration span will never allow me to write a novel, this is the nearest I will come to it!

The news was broked here

Competitions and submissions

2012-01-04T13:39:00.004Z

Okay, peeps. Upcoming competitions and submissions. As usual, only those with online entries outside Ireland included.
NCLA Water Poetry Competition - Newcastle Local Authority Competition - Theme Water - Jan 13th
Abridged looking for submissions on the theme of Silence - Jan 14th
Versal (NL based online journal) looking for submissions (apparently they have a 'reading fee') - Jan 15th
Strokestown Poetry Prize / Strokestown Gaelic Prize / Strokestown Percy French Prize - Jan 20th
Wenlock Poetry Competition - wouldn't you love to live in a place called Much Wenlock? - Jan 23rd
Trocaire / Poetry Ireland - Imagine a just and free world? - Jan 27th
Hippocrates Prize - large prizes for poems with a medical theme - Jan 31st
Stinging Fly - submissions for summer issue by Jan 31st, later issues by March 31st - note new editor Dave Lordan (not that it'll make much difference in my case)
Erma Bombeck Humorous Verse - US based, bound to get a huge entry, diminishing chances of winning - Feb 14th
Ward Wood Publishing poetry competition - Feb 14th

Strokestown Poetry Festival

2012-01-03T10:10:00.002Z

Dear Poet, Just a quick reminder that if you were thinking of entering the Strokestown International Poetry Competition the closing date is only three weeks away - Friday 20 January 2012. As you know the prizes are €4,000, €2,000 and €1,000 for a poem of up to 70 lines.
There are also prizes of €2,000, €1,500 and €1,000 for a poem of up to 70 lines in Irish and Scots Gaelic. In addition up to 16 shortlisted poets are invited to read a selection of their work at Strokestown International Poetry Festival, for which they are paid €400.
You can enter online or by post - all the details are on the website www.strokestownpoetry.org
If you have already entered, apologies for including you in this round robin – please ignore it! Or if you know someone who would like to know about the competition, please forward it – many thanks.
Good luck,
In addition to the above, there is also the small matter of the Percy French Humorous Poetry Prize, which pays good money too. I decided after I won this last year that, having got to the final six times in six years, with two wins and a third, people would start getting sick of me, so I'm not entering this year, though of course I'll still try and enter, probably futilely, for the main prize.Declan O'Brien will not be judging the Percy French this year. Instead it will be judged by the Strokestown Wit Committee - evidently they couldn't find another suitable judge, even though I was jumping up and down at the back of the class, saying "Ooh! ooh! me!"

Report Card 2011

2012-01-01T13:41:00.002Z

And so this is New Year's Day and what have you done?
Another year over - a new one just begun

So John Lennon nearly wrote and so I'll self-indulgently pick out my poetical successes and failures of the last year and see exactly how I'm doing!

Competitions:

Thicker than water was nominated for the WOW awards

Dachstein Ice Cave was longlisted for the Plough Prize Short Poem category

Wasting Energy was longlisted in the Plough Prize Poems for Children category

The Insect Man came 4th in the Plough Prize Poems for Children category and appeared in the subsequent anthology

The victims have been named was Commended in the Sentinel Quarterly Poetry Competition

Where do old cartoon characters go and Yakoumi were Commended in the Strokestown Percy French Humorous Poetry competition

Old won the Strokestown Percy French Humorous Poetry competition

Toast was Commended in the Lighten Up Online competition 13

A black-suited revolution was commended in the Poetry on the Lake competition and appeared in the subsequent anthology

One's visit to the former colony of Ireland was shortlisted in the Boyne Writers Swift Satire competition

Butterfly came second in the Northanmpton Poetry Society Humorous Verse competition

Opprobrium was longlisted in the Flash 500 Humorous Verse competition

A very mediaeval redundancy was shortlisted in the Phizzfest Poetry competition and appeared in the subsequent anthology

Church bell in Codalet was Highly Commended in the Dromineer Literary Festival competition

Ugolino's lament came 4th in the Tullamore Agricultural Show poetry competition. The grapevine was highly commended in the same competition

Publisher oh publisher was mentioned in dispatches in Lighten up Online's Rejection competition

Macbeth's lost soliloquy Act i Scene iii was shortlisted in the Baz Theatre Company poetry competition

The State pathologist finished 3rd in the Flash 500 quarterly poetry competition

Ctrl Alt Delete finished second in the Francis Ledwidge Poetry Awards and has thus been nominated for the Forward Prize

Natural causes (its just a rumour) made the final of the Baffle Bard competition

Publications

Vandalism and The howling were published in the Shot Glass Journal

A throwing action was published in Revival #18

Christmas in Dachau 1944 was published in Danse Macabre

Consider the Tree was selected for the UpStarts poster competition

The rat beneath the shed was published in Boyne Berries #9

Miracle of nature appeared in Lighten up Online #14

The life and death of a crooked line was anthologised in 50 fun poems for Children

Dachstein Ice Cave, The howling and In the dead of night were published in Snakeskin July issue

For Pablo Casals appeared in Boyne Berries #10

From the tee to the green was published in Poetry 24

The storm, The grapevine and Dark circles were published in Shot Glass Journal. The first two were nominated for the Pushcart Prize (US)

Ultimatum came out in Lighten Up Online

Urban poet was published in Revival #21

Liberation appeared in Poetry 24

Buoyancy was published in Bare Hands

Con Martin - Mr Versatility appears in Simon Goodyear's book Memories are made in Aston

Self-published Sofas in a Cornfield, a collection of science-fiction verse on Lulu. Also Cornwall - Twenty Poems, mainly serious verse.

Farewell to

The Community Voice, Dublin 15's local paper, for whom I wrote a monthly 1000 word article from 2003 to October 2011, when it ceased.

The Poetry Bus community of bloggers, who provided me with so much impetus to write and a host of good friends. I wish it, and Peadar, every success in its new guise.

Failed yet again

to get into the Stinging Fly or Southword or Crannog

to get noticed in iYeats, the Strokestown Poetry Prize, Windows Publications, the Welsh Poetry competition, the Bridport or Poet of Fingal competitions

Okay, done and dusted. Onward, Athos, to 2012. Happy New Year to all and may you all cast a literary shadow.

The Bard of Armagh

2011-12-27T22:10:00.003Z

The poetic genre I feel most comfortable with is humorous verse. I've been writing it for so many years that it doesn't intimidate me the way serious verse does - I understand it and know when something is right or wrong.
There are, I suppose, three major humorous verse competitions in Ireland - the Percy French prize at Strokestown, on the May Bank Holiday, which I've been fortunate enough to win twice; the Baffle Bard at Loughrea on the October Bank Holiday weekend - not strictly speaking a humorous verse competition but the genre is treated as an equal alongside serious poetry; and the Bard of Armagh.
I don't know why I've never entered the Bard of Armagh. Certainly the entrance fee - 2 pound sterling - is cheaper than the other two competitions and the audience numbers are higher. And two of Ireland's greatest current humorous poets, Declan O'Brien and Sean Lyons, have both enjoyed success up there.
I think perhaps there are a number of reasons, none of which on their own are particularly valid, but taken together add up to semi-validity.
1) There is the difficulty and expense of obtaining a 2 pound sterling bank draft here in the Republic.
2) I get a sense from the website that there is a certain clique element - the same names keep turning up year after year.
3) The lyrics of the winning poems are posted up on the site. Reading through them, it seems that the competition is judged mainly on the performance of the poems with little regard to the technicality of the poems themselves. Practically all are rhyming couplets and often the rhymes are contrived to get the joke in. (I'm not trying to be snobby here - I know how hard it can be to write something other people will laugh out loud at, and the humour normally comes from content, not the cleverness of the poem. All I am saying is that, with my stammer, I am not a performance poet and insist on exact rhymes and meter)
Having said all that, I was delighted to learn that John McDonagh, who wrote his first poem for, and was shortlisted at, the Percy French Prize at Strokestown this year, with his poem, The First Domestic Incident, finished second at Armagh this year, thus disproving my point 2) above. Well done, John! All the winners can be found here
Seeing as how I won't be entering the Percy French next year, I may just have a bash at Armagh...

Nominations

2011-12-23T06:00:00.003Z

In the past month or so, it has come as something of a shock to me to find I've been nominated for the Forward Prize and have received two nominations for the Pushcart Prize.

I got the Forward Prize nomination for coming second in the Francis Ledwidge Awards, where the top three poems are automatically nominated. Of course I haven't a hope in hell of winning this Forward Prize thingy but doesn't it look good on your CV? Nominated for the Forward Prize for Poetry. I wonder, could I say "Nominated for the Forward Prize for literature"? That sounds even grander!

The Pushcart Prize is apparently an American award where small presses in America put forward the best poems they published during the year. I had some poems in the Shot Glass Journal which is run by Muse-Pie Press and they nominated two of my poems among their six nominations, about which I'm pretty thrilled. But then, if every small press in America is nominating five or six, I imagine there's an awful lot of us in the shake up! Still, again, putting down 'Twice nominated for the Pushcart Prize' (for literature?) on the oul' CV looks pretty good and could easily lull unsuspecting readers into thinking I have talent.

Yes, I think I quite enjoy this being nominated thingy. Even my wife raised a sceptical eyebrow when I told her.

Revival # 21

2011-12-22T15:30:00.003Z

The latest edition of Revival arrived among the Christmas post last week and I've barely had time to skim through it, never mind write about it. That is a pleasure to savour when I'm Willy Wonka'd out approaching New Year.
As usual, its a delightful mix of, mainly, poetry, prose and a review and, as seems to be the trend these days, featuring not many names I've come across - an indication surely of plenty of new blood coming through. I see Louise Phillips is in there with a prose piece - either she has a brilliant imagination or a very interesting past! And Noel Harrington, whom I met at the WOW awards this year - well, I never had him down as an old headbanger! And the quite brilliant and prolific Richard W Halperin treats us to another of his finely chiselled masterpieces.
Some old masters in there too - Eamonn Lynskey, Noel King, Knute Skinner, John Pinschmidt, Greagoir O'Duill and John Liddy, which all makes for a great read.
Oh and I have a poem in there too.

Floodgates opening

2011-12-19T23:45:00.014Z

My wife went down to the playgroup last Friday, with instructions to get two candlebridges from Aldi and a six-gang adapter from Power City. So off I went, armed with sellotape, a camera and six poems wot I'd written on the night shift a couple of days earlier.
First to Aldi above in Clonee - I reckon this is a first for county Meath though I'm open to correction.

Aldi opened last month 50 yards up the road from Lidl. So I couldn't do one without the other.

(Shame they didn't have any boxes of socks - these sports socks had to do)

Then onto Power City, trying to maintain the air of festive frivolity

Near Power City in the Coolmine Industrial Estate was Coolmine Decor. Bit trickier here as its only a small shop and the woman kept following me around asking me if I needed any help

Oh dear - more festive violence

Then I popped into Hickeys Pharmacy on the way home. Again, more staff than customers and I reckon they're all on commission

And then finally across the road to Dunnes in Ongar

I'll probably get a comment about this one telling me I shouldn't make fun of people who stammer, it's a terrible affliction etc etc. Believe me, I've been taken to task over it before. So just to make it absolutely clear, the joke is on me, all right, not on anybody else who stammers and might write poetry too!

I'm just wondering if 6 is a world record for IPYPIASMs in one day? Anybody have Norris McWhirter's address?

Francis Ledwidge Awards

2011-12-18T23:41:00.002Z

Attended the Francis Ledwidge Poetry Awards 2011 last Wednesday night in O'Donoghues in Inchicore, where we older Shels supporters used to drink after games against St. Pats before we had that little altercation with them ten years ago. It was actually a very enjoyable evening with around fifty people in a space designed to sit eighteen comfortably.
Liam O'Meara - who is in the process of bringing out a book on Zozimus - MC'd and did a great job. Two young writers received special mentions and even read their poems. they were 15 and 17 years old and my God, the self-assurance of the pair of them and me bricking it because I was due to read later. I wrote down their names and then threw the paper away later - I think one of them was Robert Nolan.
Evan Costigan was there. He actually performed his poem without reading it, which was pretty impressive. Not many other names that I recognised. Noel King - who gets shortlisted for everything - couldn't make it, nor Triona McMorrow whom I met at Strokestown this year.
Delighted to meet the wonderfully talented Jessamine O'Connor (above) at last. Her poem 'Silver Spoon' was a deserving winner and she's definitely one to watch out for in 2012. Goddamit, she even looks like a poet - I shall have to grow my hair long.
I read my poem 'Ctrl Alt Delete' not very well. There were far too many words starting with Cl... or D... In future I shall only write poetry that begins with vowels or r's or w's. But I got through it with my usual word substitution techniques.
Have decided not to enter for Ballymaloe. Just a bit too expensive and if they don't like my style for their Moth magazine, I reckon there's not much point in entering their competition. But please don't let me discourage you - just a personal thing!

Grave with Lights

2011-12-16T11:50:00.003Z

I decided to treat myself to a Christmas present this year - JoAnne McKay's Grave with Lights - and it arrived safely yesterday (many thanks JoAnne)

Actually it was a no-brainer - I'd bought Venti and had been blown away by the combination of beautiful poetry and beautiful artwork, so I was sure this would be in the same vein.

I haven't had time to more than flick through it yet but that is a delight I shall savour slowly when I have more time, once all the seasonal hullabaloo is over. Handmade by the poet, featuring her cutting and incisive verse, augmented by Victor Henderson's artwork, it's rather like eating 200g of chocolate in bed - sheer overindulgence.

My one gripe is that the book has been criminally underhyped. Go and get a copy now and enjoy

Auntie upped

2011-12-12T12:14:00.011Z

As we all know, the festival that is IPYPIASM (International Put Your Poem in a Shop month) is not a competition. But the stirrings in Cork, Amerikay, Scotland, Amerikay again and now En-ger-land means we must not be seen to be slacking. So when my wife suddenly declared that the canary had no food, far from shrugging my shoulders, I actually volunteered to go up to the West End part of the Blanchardstown Shopping Centre and save two birds with the one mercy dash.
Heaton's (above) was the first on the list
Hope you're noting a slight improvement in the quality of the presentation, typed out, like...

Next to Argos, with the cashier's eyes burning a hole in my back...

Then on to Pet World, where I actually remembered the bird seed

Next to a shop called Dealz, which I'd never heard of, seems to be some kind of pound shop. I excelled myself here with a spelling mistake in the final line. Doh! Heaney never had this problem.

And then finally to Halfords (well, why not?) for one final effort

As you can see I'm not nearly as brave as Titus who places her poems prominently in the centre of the main display.I chicken out and choose a cultural backwater...

For the latest news on IPYPIASMs around the world, please check Niamh B's blog.

Auntie upped.

Multiple IPYPIASMs in Dublin

2011-12-08T17:19:00.010Z

Unaccustomed as I am to frequenting shops, the fact that the Rest of the World is whupping Irish asses in the IPYPIASM stakes has spurred me into action. A 15 minute warning notice suggesting that I might like to accompany my wife to the Blanchardstown Shopping Centre was enough to whip off four poems. In contrast to the likes of Titus and Bug, I go for quantity over quality.
So, first to the Post Office (above, close up below)

Then to Penneys (the Irish equivalent of Primark) A budget department store,

I must point out that this is December 8th, one of the big Shopping days in Ireland. At least the crowds of shoppers meant the shop assistants were otherwise engaged.

Then on to Debenhams, a swanky department store.

And finally to the Grocery section of Dunnes Stores...

I make that the equaliser for Ireland. Not that its a competition, like.

Lighten Up Online Issue16 now online

2011-12-05T04:00:00.003Z

For those of you like me who believe that light verse is just as valid an art form as serious verse, issue number 16 of my absolute favouritest light verse magazine Lighten Up Online is now waiting to be perused by all lovers of the genre.
To quote the editor, master wordsmith Martin Parker, "We end 2011 with festive indigestion, the challenge of packaging, entasis ((Go on, look it up!), sex and Catholicism, courgettes, Roman hairstyles, a reluctant Mrs Rubinstein, socks, a sheepdog with a grudge .... and many others. Oh, and five poets new to Lighten Up Online, plus the results of Competition 15."
Shamefacedly, I must admit that I completely missed the deadline for this issue. I shall therefore shower the editor with submissions for the next one until he promises to print one.

IPYPIASM !!!!!

2011-12-01T21:32:00.003Z

December means International Put Your Poetry in a Shop Month and Titus is off the mark ahead of everybody with her shoe shop ode above.
IPYPIASM is the brainchild of the very maternal Various and is now in its fourth year though I only started participating last year. Basically, you do what it says on the tin. Write a poem and put it in a shop. But you have to take a photo of it to prove you're not a billy-waffler and post it on your blog. Sign it if you want to. The poem, I believe, (though I haven't read the small print) does not necessarily have to reflect the wares on display but often does, as per Titus' example above.
Now, get going! Only thirty days left. And link back to Various so we can all see!

Something wrong, shurely?

2011-11-29T21:22:00.004Z

The Francis Ledwidge International Poetry Awards have always seemed to me to be both prestigious and very well run, attracting a good sized entry from Ireland, the UK, the USA, Canada and beyond. The first three prizewinners are also entered in the Forward Prize in the UK.
I have no idea if it is the recession to blame or if a poem destined for the waste-paper basket landed on the wrong pile but it appears that somehow I have been awarded second place in this year's competition for my poem Ctrl Alt Delete. It is somewhat mind-boggling that so august a competition could have made such an elementary mistake. The winner was Jessamine O'Connor who also won the iYeats in the summer.
Full details are:-

The Francis Ledwidge Award - Jessamine O Connor, Sligo - Silver Spoon
2nd place - Peter Goulding, Dublin 15 - Ctrl Alt Delete
3rd place - Mae Newman, Rathfarnham - The Peace Lily

Highly Commended
Gavan Duffy, Tallaght
Denise Ryan, Dublin 2
James Conway, Dublin 6
Gearoid De Briotun, Teach Mealog,
Margaret Zheng, D 6.
Giles Newington, D 13
Andrew Jones, Mullagh, Co Cavan
Ray Mullen, Tallaght,
Patrick Devaney, Virginia Co. Cavan
Mary Jo Gibbons, Kilmessan, Co. Meath

Commended
Noel King, Tralee, Co. Kerry
Triona McMorrow Dunlaoghaire
Adrienne Leavy, Phoenix, Az. USA
Davis Rowell, Churchtown, D 14
Lucy Brennan, Whitby, ON , Canada.
Doreen Duffy, Clondalkin, D 22
Evan Costigan, Dublin 8
Aine Lyons, Tallaght, Dublin 24.
Paul Mc Mahon, Sligo
Susan Flynn Ballybrack, Co Dublin

There will also be a book presentation to young writers

Awards Ceremony will take place at ‘Donoghues’ The Glen of Aherlow, 29 Emmet Road, Inchicore, Dublin, on Wednesday, 14th December, 2011 at 8.00 pm. All are welcome.

Some Poems by Kate Dempsey

2011-11-25T09:47:00.003Z

Went along to the Maynooth launch of Kate Dempsey's 'Some Poems' at the Creative Arts Centre in Coates Lane on Thursday night. Kate herself calls it the Contemporary Arts Centre but a rose is still a rose by any other name and the venue was ideal, particularly for me as I finished work at 7pm just down the road in Leixlip.
Some Poems is more or less a Kate's Greatest Hits which is dead handy for those of us who like to have all her best stuff assembled together. Her poetry I have often described as quirky - it is definitely off the wall and she has a habit of picking up on everyday incidents and expanding them in interesting ways. Many are highly amusing but all have a subtle depth and message, layers to be stripped away and dissected. Unsurprisingly, I'm a big fan.
This edition, produced by the people who ignore me at the lovely Moth magazine, is described as 'dinky' by Kate. I would call it 'small' - physically. It can easily fit into your shirt pocket (yes, I have a shirt - for weddings and funerals) but the print is possibly not large enough for a relative with failing eyesight. Still, its a very big little book and only costs €4 here.
Delighted to meet one of the original poetry divas Triona Walsh at the launch. Very slowly ticking off my blogging friends in the meeting face-to-face department. There was also a bewildered and disorientated Sligo Rovers supporter there wearing a hat with corks dangling down and singing Tie me Kangaroo Down, Sport.

Ireland's new High King

2011-11-24T21:50:00.002Z

Over the past few weeks, Grace over at Toads has been teaching us a few of the 24 mediaeval forms of Welsh poetry and our task this week was to combine two or more of the forms to make a poet in the epic Welsh tradition. My effort consists of the cywydd llosgyrnog (stanzas 1-3), the awdl gywydd (stanzas 4-10), the toddaid (stanzas 11-13) and the englyn milwr (stanzas 14 - 16) Of course, it is highly probable that I've got one or more of them completely wrong.
Epic poetry of course demands an epic theme. What better way to commemorate the recent presidential election here in Ireland?

(i) Autumn whistled through the cold land;
the fires of discontent were fanned
by injustice and contempt.
Dry crisp leaves whispered in corners;
onlookers lined up to scorn us,
sad mourners, cold and unkempt.

(ii) To Tara we thronged, sore distressed,
unsure what to do for the best,
from points south, west, north and east.
All sections were represented
as we broke bread and dissented –
rhetoric scented the feast.

(iii) We needed a King to feed us,
guide us, nurture, help and lead us,
to heed us when we grew nervous.
Seven stepped boldly before us,
pledging in a pleasant chorus
to work for us and serve us.

(iv) One was touched by God’s fair hand,
sweet voice and gentle of soul.
She would sing away all our cares
through her prayers and make us whole.

(v) One was spurred by charity,
sought out parity for all
who suffered in body or mind,
forgotten behind the wall.

(vi) One was a politician;
on a mission now to mend
the split country through wheelings
and dealings, means to an end.

(vii) One was a wise old druid,
speech fluid, sage and clever.
Life he said, was a yearning
to keep learning forever.

(viii) One was a soldier of old,
camouflaged, bold, still bloodied.
He promised a brave new world,
freedom unfurled, unmuddied.

(ix) One was a merchant; he could
grasp the task – would not fudge it.
With his strong fiscal talents,
he could balance the budget.

(x) The last was a poet, dreamer,
wild-haired schemer with strong views.
Though aging and small of build,
he still filled a giant’s shoes.

(xi) The seven were grilled, roasted on a spit,
by commentators skilled in the sport.
Secrets were outed, histories perused,
assertions doubted, much mischief wrought.

(xii) The people pondered at length, and very
carefully, the strength of each person,
anxious to choose well and choose correctly,
not wishing the bad news to worsen.

(xiii) At last, with one voice, they declared loudly
on whom their fateful choice had landed.
They had elected the dreamer / poet,
wise and respected, open-handed.

(xiv) Michael D, fate is calling.
demanding and enthralling
On you our hopes are falling.

(xv) Michael D, on your shoulders
lie our dreams, large as boulders.
Guide us, nurture us, hold us.

(xvi) Michael D, may God find you
ready; and may He mind you,
with us staunchly behind you.

Emerging poets opportunity in Cork

2011-11-20T17:43:00.003Z

From the Munster Literature Centre:

Emerging poets Encouraged to Participate in Cork Spring Poetry Festival.

Emerging poets are to be given a chance to appear on a programme with such luminaries as Nuala Ní Dhomhnaill, Fiona Sampson, Neil Astley, Gregory Orr (USA) and many other poets from Ireland, Britain, Canada, Croatia, Italy, New Zealand, Slovenia and the United States. The Prebooked Poetry Reading is a free event involving up to eight poets who have yet to publish a full-length collection. Each poet will have the opportunity to read three poems of forty lines or under. If you would like a chance to partake in this event submit three poems with a biographical note listing any magazine publication credits. Submissions will be accepted by email before January 10th to: munsterlit@eircom.net. Emails must have the subject heading "Prebooked Poetry Reading". The list of chosen poets will be posted on www.munsterlit.ie and www.corkpoetryfest.net by January 20th

More bloody football

2011-11-20T11:57:00.004Z

Okay, this is the last match of the football season, so no more from me on the subject after today. We duly beat Estonia 5-1 on aggregate and achieved our first qualification for a major finals for a decade. The return leg in Dublin was never in doubt after winning 4-0 away, so, instead of biting nails and clenching buttocks, Emmet showed me how to make deadly paper aeroplanes with the green bits of paper left on every seat and this amused us no end.

It seemed an apt theme for a Balassi Strophe. A wha', Gay? A Hungarian rhyme form, that goes like this -

x. x. x. x. x. a
x. x. x. x. x. a
x. x. x. x. x. x. b
x. x. x. x. x. c
x. x. x. x. x. c
x. x. x. x. x. x. b
x. x. x. x. x. d
x. x. x. x. x. d
x. x. x. x. x. x. b

at least, according to Kerry on Toads on her Sunday mini-challenge.

Paper planes

The crowd’s collective roar
made the paper planes soar,
some crashing into the stand,
others reaching the pitch
and landing smoothly, which
elicited a big hand.
How they circled and soared,
our long-held dreams on board
before coming in to land!

Defying all the odds,
we sit up with the gods
and sing loud that old refrain
of Olé, Olé, Olés,
pre-empting summer days
in Poland or the Ukraine.
The Irish spirit sings,
borne on the fragile wings
of each tiny paper plane.

Stony Thursday - who can hang a name on you?

2011-11-18T11:27:00.004Z

Visitors and work have kept me from commenting on the 10th edition of Stony Thursday which arrived a week or two ago from Limerick City Arts Office. As usual, this is a lovely collection of contemporary poetry and features a strong contingent of my friends with Meath connections, namely Orla Fay (whose Glove is actually quite erotic); James Lawless (two masterful poems); Tommy Murray doing what he does best in a Kavanagh-esque way; and Brian Kirk with a brilliantly evocative piece about the Kitchen in Winter.

I leave the Stony Thursday to dip and out of occasionally. I can't read it all at once as my mind can't take it all in. But its a great book, despite the fact that a poem of mine accidentally slipped through the net. But there are so many beautiful poems that the standard doesn't noticeably fall as a result.

Some competitions for yiz

2011-11-17T14:00:00.002Z

Okay, here are some poetry competitions with deadlines coming up before the end of the year. Anything outside Ireland that does not have online entry, I haven't included (sorry!)
1) Cafe Writers Might be worth a punt at the funniest poem entry. Deadline - November 30th
2) Magma Poetry Competition - November 30th
3) Ode to the Olympians - November 3oth - Free entry! I actually won this last year for writing a poem on Athena. Write a poem about a Greek deity - this issue its Artemis / Diana. David Mohan has won this in the past too.
4) The New Writer - November 30th
5) Print Express - November 30th - No entry fee - up to 45 lines
6) Segora Open Poetry - November 30th. Smallish prize may not attract many entries
7) The Plough Prize - November 30th. One of the biggies. Always thought this was too big for the likes of me but was shortlisted for both the short poem and the poems for children competitions last year and was included in an anthology for the latter. Kate Dempsey won the Short Poem section last year
8) Ropes - December 9th. Journal based at NUI Galway looking for submissions
9) Poets meet Politics - December 16th. Current affairs poetry competition from the people down in Bantry who bring us Poets meet Painters
10) Windows Cavan Crystal Poetry Competition. December 17th. Never had any success in this but I'd love to get onto the shortlist! Cannot find it on the web anywhere, so try Michael Farry's blog for details.
11) Greg O'Donoghue . December 18th. Run by the Munster Lit. people. Probably too big for the likes of me but at least the judge isn't the current Southword editor, who doesn't like my stuff.
12) Sentinel Poetry Quarterly Competition. December 20th. I got shortlisted in this about a year ago and haven't entered it since. Don't know why.
13) Ballymaloe 31st December. Run by the people who produce the fantastic Moth magazine that I have constantly failed to get into since its inception.
14) Crannog Magazine. December 31st. Lovely Galway-based mag that I got into once but have struggled to get into ever since.
15) Angels and Devils - Free entry. December 31st Run by Holland Park Press. Theme - Family relationships. Submit in English or Dutch
16) Franklin Christoph Poetry Award - again free entry. December 31st I made no impression on this US based competition last year
17) Flash 500 Humorous Verse competition - December 31st. Actually got third place in the current competition (its run quarterly) My arch enemy Martin Parker won the first one and got third too and another shortlisted.

There yiz are now. No excuses. Get submitting

A few more failures....

2011-11-14T21:29:00.003Z

Lovely handwritten letter arrived from London last week to commiserate in my lack of success in the Scotscare competition. Maybe my lack of Scottishness shone through.
A similarly very nice email today from the Irish Writers Centre to tell me I was not in the final shake-up but inviting me to the event on the 24th November. You know what - I just might go. The winners incidentally were Elizabeth O'Carroll, Paddy Doherty, Susan Stairs, Eleanor Hooker (no surprise there!) Eoin Hegarty and Patricia Clark.
Do you know what but rejection notices are definitely improving. I got another one from the Open to Interpretation: Water’s Edge competition and it was couched so well I felt like I really had won!
I don't have much else to look forward to at this stage. Really only the Francis Ledwidge and I'd probably have heard by now if I'd been shortlisted. Must take a deep breath and dive back in.

A Hot Toddaid for the week that's in it

2011-11-09T13:24:00.003Z

This week Grace O'Malley, over at Toads, continues her dissertation on all poetry forms Welsh by introducing us to the flexible and friendly Toddaid. I quote

A toddaid is a couplet of uneven length, often written in quatrain form. It has an interlaced rhyme like our other formats, but this time the rhyme is found in the middle of both lines! If the toddaid is extended into four lines, there is also an end rhyme formed by lines two and four. Line one is ten syllables and line two contains only nine. Here is one way to write it out:

xxxxA--xxx
xxxA--xxx
And in quatrain form:

xxxxA--xxx
xxxA--xxB
xxxxC--xxx
xxxC--xxB

Grace gives an example, and says that the poet made the decision to use the interlacing rhyme at the end of lines one and three, joining the stanza into a true quatrain.

Good. That's what I've done in the one below. My apologies for boring the pants off you again with football but Ireland are playing a play-off against Estonia on Friday (away) and Tuesday (home) for a place in the Euro Championships. As we haven't qualified for anything for ten years, a nation is holding its breath...

In Estonia

Estonia – the name fills us with dread
and makes the path ahead stonier.
We leave, armed with scarf, voice, hope and rattle
to do battle in Estonia.

The chill of winter grips the barren land
Its hand chokes the fair begonia.
Will we too wilt on the frozen mire
or light a fire in Estonia?

Bony is the wolf, cloudy his thick breath
but death’s long fingers are bonier.
We must not flinch but grasp the flaming bough
that beckons now in Estonia.

How pleasant now seem the far-flung mountains
and fountains of Patagonia!
Easier to scale them all than begin
to hope to win in Estonia.

Timid and caution, get thee hence to bed –
faint heart is wed to pneumonia.
Our battle cry must make the pale moon glow
and strike a blow in Estonia.

FIFA’s sympathy last time was phony
but our baloney was phonier.
Let us hope that this time we’ll get it right
this Friday night in Estonia.

Farry wins on penalties

2011-11-07T13:46:00.003Z

In the final match of the Irish football season, my team, Shelbourne, played Michael Farry's team, Sligo Rovers, in the Cup Final.
For those of you not up to speed on Irish football, Shels were the cream of Irish football from around 1992 to 2006, when overspending led to the near extinction of the club. Since then we have spent five years in the wilderness of the First Division.
Sligo's star on the other hand has been on the ascendancy for the past five years. This was their third Cup Final on the trot and they finished second in the Premier Division. As such, they were overwhelming favourites for the match at the Aviva Stadium yesterday.
To be honest, I feared a drubbing. Consequently, although we lost, on penalties, at the end of 120 minutes, it did not evoke the guttedness I might have expected. We played valiantly and pluckily but it just wasn't to be. Other commentators have said we lost as much to a rather one-sided referee than to Sligo but I don't like to criticise. It's a hard enough job at the best of times.
Congratulations to Sligo. I would much sooner lose to them in a Cup Final than to Shamrock Rovers, Bohemians, Cork, Derry, Dundalk or St. Pats.

The night Joe Dolan's car broke down

2011-11-06T08:53:00.002Z

Went to see the above-titled play at the Olympia last night. God, I haven't been in the Olympia since I saw John Otway there some time in the early nineties. The rows of seats are so close together its impossible to stand up and let people through. Everybody has to leave the row then file in after the latecomers!
I have to say I enjoyed the play - very unusual, almost a vehicle for a Joe Dolan tribute band - but plenty of comedy in there too. There were weaknesses too - the means by which the obligatory guilty secrets of the cast were revealed was very cliched. The secrets themselves were pretty unoriginal too and frankly a bit unbelievable.
But the guy playing Joe himself was terrific and also the character of The Horse, a type everyone can readily identify (says he, not trying to spoil any of the plot)
There's a lot of laughs in this and I was trying to analyse the source of the humour. There seem to be two main subjects of humour - 1) rural Irish people being drunk and 2) bad language. With regard to the latter, I was yet again mystified by how "Go away, y'eejit" is not funny, whereas "Will ya ever fuck off?" is greeted by howls of laughter.
But I don't want to give the impression that the play isn't funny. It is. Go see.

A slight revival in fortunes

2011-11-04T20:28:00.003Z

Dear Peter,
Just to confirm that we will be using your poem ‘Urban Poet' in the next issue of Revival. The launch date is Tues Nov 22nd Upstairs@Foley’s Bar, Limerick. If you would like to attend on the night and read your poem please let me know.
Best wishes,
Editor

Despite the fact that their football team crushed my football's hopes in the cruellest of fashions in 2009, all I can say is, God bless Limerick.

Southword gone west

2011-11-01T21:32:00.003Z

Many thanks for your submission to Southword. We appreciate the chance to read it. Unfortunately, the piece was not successful at this time.
Best wishes.
Sincerely,
The Munster Literature Centre

Yet again, no joy from Southword. I sent in five of my best poems but no potatoes.

I know the response is probably a template and I don't fault Southword for that - it is an excellent magazine and they get thousands of poems. But you're supposed to send in your multiple submissions as a single word.doc. And the response above says "it" and "the piece" rather than "them" and "the pieces." Of course, the editor couldn't possibly have taken them as five parts of the one poem, surely?

Nah, I'm just a crap poet, might as well face up to it and stop clutching at straws.

Baffle Results 2011

2011-11-01T00:16:00.002Z

Back from Loughrea after a whirlwind 48 hours at the Baffle Festival. I'll post about other aspects later but the winner of the coveted turnip this year was Cork's Cathleen Callanan, who had finished third in 2008. Her take on the theme 'Rumour Has It' was very unique and her delivery immaculate and she was a worthy winner with Daughters of Apollo.
Second was Ann Marie Hough, who had twice won before, with a stylishly crafted poem called 'Rumours of Rosie' and third was the wonderfully-jacketed Pat Lawless (whom I thought should have got somewhere last year) with 'Dancing with Lola.' The Peoples Choice, not to anyone's surprise, went to Joe Kennedy for his absolutely hilarious poem 'Egness' I hope somewhere someone has videoed it for posterity.
There were many other brilliant performances too. Another former winner Miceal Kearney led the way with 'Maybe'; Brian Nolan gave Adele a run for her money with a priceless interpretation of the album track; Eamonn McNally was deadpanly funny as always; Margaret Hickey had a very short but quite sublime poem involving Paul Simon; Micheal O'Riain had a very funny poem about Hell; Sean Treanor's Sceal Dochreidte - Sceal an Chreidimh had the juxtaposition of a Lennon and McCartney hit; Meabh McDonnell is always a front runner and her "Kiss' was oh, so erotic!; Amanda Younge's 'Attitude' was a passionate ode to a beaten wife; Mike Coye composed a quite beautiful ballad about Lola Montes which deserves more airings; Denise Garvey's crafted Flat Pack Fact was delivered with great style; and Steven Shields very clever poem had us all as aliens.
As for me, I was not quite in their league but considering the likes of Ian McDonald, Ray Gateley and last year's winner James Kennedy failed to make it out of the heats, I was delighted to have scraped through into the Sunday night.
But as Joe Kennedy said later, and very correctly, it really didn't matter who won - what mattered was that we got a great night's entertainment.

Off to Baffle

2011-10-29T10:58:00.003+01:00

Getting ready to head off down to Loughrea for the Baffle Festival. Okay its a poetry competition but its so much more and I always make sure to put down the October Bank Holiday weekend for holidays at the start of the year.
Of course its an impossible competition to judge. How do you choose between a light-hearted piece of verse and a deep and meaningful creative piece of writing? I always have every sympathy for the judges, who, this year, are Kevin Barry and Lisa Padden.
Theme for this year's competition is 'Rumour has it.' I wrote mine last week and have been tinkering with it ever since, which is something I don't usually do. Obviously I'd love to make the final but the competition is always fierce and every year brings disappointments.
But its till not too late. Loughrea is only 2 hours from Dublin. Write a poem - register in O'Dea's hotel at 7.30pm and thereafter I promise you'll be hooked.

Guerilla Poetry

2011-10-27T14:07:00.004+01:00

Ella at Toads (okay I'm giving up calling it Imaginary Garden with Real Toads, even though its a great name) wants us to write Guerilla Poetry ie write a poem and stick it up in a public place.

A lot of you will recall Various Cushions' brilliant initiative, IPYPIASM, in which you wrote a poem in December, left it in a shop and posted a photo of it on your blog.

This one is actually a bit easier, because you're not sneaking into someone else's property but you have the whole outdoors as your blank page. We have an election happening in Dublin 15 today - this one was easy!

Poem on Poetry 24

2011-10-27T11:43:00.003+01:00

My puente poem Liberation is published today on the topical poetry website Poetry 24
I still have a problem with Qaddafi and his rule. All the papers and media write of him as a mad tyrant, who deserved all he got. And it certainly seems he was hated in his own country, so there may be justification for this. But there is no 'genocide of the Kurds' accusation to level at him, no specific crime and reports say the internal security in Libya was certainly not as oppressive as that in other Muslim countries with stronger ties to the west. I am probably being uber-wary of western propaganda in suggesting that, maybe, he wasn't quite the crazy despot he was portrayed. Though Robert Fisk, a man I trust fully, is very anti-Qadaffi.
Looking back, he liberated his people from the poverty and corruption of the French government and greatly increased the standard of living for all. A hero in the Arab world for standing up to the west, he was reviled by the British and Americans for seemingly supporting anti-west terrorism. And the west will always win, one way or other, particularly when vast amounts of oil are involved.
I freely admit I don't know enough about it. I am just naturally cautious about disseminating the truth from the lies.
Jeez, I'm getting serious in my old age. Time for more poems about broccoli, methinks.

Grappling with the Cywydd Llosgyrnog

2011-10-26T20:26:00.002+01:00

Whaddya mean, you've never heard of the Cywydd Llosgyrnog? It's a big, vicious animal that lives in the Welsh hills, a sort of a cross between a dragon and a washing machine. Grace at Imaginary Garden with real toads was telling us all about it.
Again I quote. The big beastie "can be of any number of stanzas, but each stanza has a strict meter, containing two eight-syllable couplets and two interlacing rhymes on the third and sixth lines. The third and sixth lines also rhyme with one another."
Or to put it more simply -
*******A
*******A
***a***B
*******C
*******C
***c***B

Anyway, I had to go in and out of town on the bus today, so wiled away the hours composing two - one in my usual style and one, shock, horror, quite serious.Please visit the link above and read better examples and, better still, have a go yourself.

Rock pool

He was always much more daring,
would leap the rocks without caring,
always haring off while lairy
elder brother analysed each
step, glanced to father on the beach,
still within reach, dark and hairy.

To the last rock he would hurry,
tanned and smiling, without worry,
a brown flurry of bony flesh.
That’s where the best crabs were, he’d yell,
at the edge in a shallow well,
trapped in the swell, salty and fresh.

Fearless, I’d see his hand dipping
in and out, while I came slipping,
cautious, tripping, o’er each small lake.
His large black bucket fair thundered
with the crusty shells he’d plundered,
as I blundered up in his wake.

Today the autumn tide is high,
the rocks are covered, leaden sky
thick with crying seagulls; sandals
offer scant protection from cold.
In tweed, I feel alone and old –
not a day to hold burnt candles.

************************************

My wife died back in ’96,
falling into the concrete mix;
across the Styx she’s been ferried.
I still can see her, hard and set,
and though the pain is with me yet,
I really should get her buried.

(ps - the first one is the serious one)

The Puente form

2011-10-23T22:49:00.003+01:00

By God and its a great poetical education I'm getting on Imaginary Garden with Real Toads. Last week, we faced up to the awdl gywydd, an archaic Welsh form that I'd never heard of and now the delightful Kerry O'Connor has challenged us to compose a Puente (or 'bridge' ) poem.
In a shell of a nut, and I am quoting directly here,
Constructed in three stanzas, the first and third are separate thoughts, conditions or elements, but share an equal number of lines (at the poet’s discretion) and the center "bridge" stanza. This middle stanza is but one line and is enclosed in tildes (~) to distinguish itself as both the last line of the first stanza and the first line of the last stanza.
The meter and rhyming are at the poet's discretion, free verse being perfectly acceptable.

Below is my topical, if somewhat contrived, effort. For more fluid examples check out the link above.

Liberation

They said he was a murderous dictator
on whose command the desert sands ran red;
who would not tolerate the agitator
and many took their families and fled;
whose rule of thumb was not designed to cater
for those who craved democracy instead.
Manhandled by the frenzied agitator

~ liberation was a bullet in the head ~

admitted the new government commentator,
explaining how they’d severed his life’s thread.
And now they proclaim praise to the Creator
on seeing the body stretched out in a shed.
But to the international spectator,
the way this haggard tyrant wound up dead
does not bode well for hopes of justice later.

Stone and Crannog 28

2011-10-21T15:37:00.005+01:00

Two great little publications dropped through my letterbox this week.

Stone (above) was the optional theme of the very wonderful Poetry on the Lake competition this year, held on Lake Orta in Northern Italia. I was fortunate enough to get a poem commended in the formal verse competition and was itching to go but my procreating children put the kybosh on it. And I'll probably never be shortlisted again. Anyway Stone - edited by festival coordinator Gabriel Griffin (herself no mean poet) - features the winning and shortlisted entries, including the very talented Helena Nolan, recent winner of the PK.

Yet again, I failed to make it inside Crannog's covers but Issue 28 is probably enhanced by this oversight. Fellow Poetry Ireland Introductions series 2010 Ed O'Dwyer is in there and Seamus Harrington's now legendary Cook's Northwest Passage which thoroughly deserved his WOW nomination. Galway's Peggy Gallagher, a lovely, natural wordsmith is also featured and Montreal's Carolyne van der Meer demonstrates that poetry is not her only forte with a piece of writing that I think is called a short story. Congratulations to all, he muttered through gritted teeth.The next reading period incidentally commences November 1st

Neither desire nor dust

2011-10-18T23:34:00.002+01:00

Dear Peter
Sorry, we couldn’t include you this time. Not because of the quality of your work but because of the huge amount of submissions we received. Please feel free to submit for our next call-out which will be made in November.
Best wishes,

I really like Abridged. Its a glossy poetry magazine from Northern Ireland and seems to be run by some seriously nice people. Somehow, I managed to get into their Magnolia edition (every edition has a theme) but have failed to repeat this herculean feat since. The upcoming issue will be on the theme Desire and Dust but sadly (for me, not for anybody else) I will be conspicuously absent.

But we will try, try, try again...

Walking in a Shelbourne wonderland

2011-10-18T10:06:00.003+01:00

I sometimes pity people who have no interest in sport. Write what you consider a real good poem and there's a thrill, a quiet feelgood sensation that flows through your body. Very very satisfying.

When however the team you support, who have given you precious little to cheer about for five years, suddenly pull a huge result out of nowhere, the rush can be so big that you feel physically as well as emotionally drained after it.

Such a night was last night. Shels who have languished in the lower division of the league for the past five years were serious underdogs as they took on St. Pats, riding high in the Premier Division. The first match was on Friday. We conceded just before half time, had a man sent off and that seemed to be it. But we found some confidence in the second half, scored a lucky goal and took it to a replay. The feeling was that Pats couldn't play as badly again and we'd lost our chance.

And to conceded a soft goal early on in the tie seemed to compound those fears. But Pats keeper took down our striker, and got sent off. We scored the penalty and from then on we played some lovely passing football while Pats hoofed the ball down the field. In the end we were comfortable 3-1 winners.

So an FAI Cup Final beckons on November 6th against current holders Sligo Rovers. It is a shame Michael Farry will be on a world tour at the time, as I'm sure our paths would have crossed at the Aviva. Again we will be serious underdogs but you can but dream...

Poets meet politics

2011-10-17T11:20:00.002+01:00

I often feel there are too many poems about curlews and shaping barrels and not enough about things that affect us - political and social issues and the like. So its always nice to see a new competition for political poetry, from the same people down in Bantry who gave us the Poets meet Painters competitions. This would actually be ideal for anyone who has ever submitted topical poetry to the wonderful Poetry 24 topical verse site run by Martin and Clare.

We're delighted to tell you that our Poets Meet Politics 2011 competition is now open.
This is a competition for poems on any aspect of politics, news, and current affairs, with a first prize of €100; all shortlisted poems will be included in an online anthology, and the authors will be invited to a public reading in January 2012. The entry fee is €5 for up to three poems, and the closing date for entries is 16 December 2011.
For full details, including instructions for online entry, see www.hungryhillwriting.com — and please forward this link to anyone you think might be interested.
Best wishes

Laundry ghost laugh edges beer

2011-10-17T07:55:00.003+01:00

I haven't been stirring any poetry jam for a while, mainly due to the busy-ness of my social calendar (ha!) but when I read Chris Alba's prompt (her excellent blog is here by the way) I suppose my sense of the ridiculous couldn't resist. Simply put - compose a poem using the words laundry, ghost, laugh, edges beer.
You asked for it, Chris -

Ghost laugh laundry edges beer

Oh those poltergeists may prattle,
make the cups and saucers rattle,
as they wage their eerie battle with us mortals.
And there are definitely tensions
when strange spooks from far dimensions
whisper otherworld pretensions through the portals.
And zombies caked in earth
that experience re-birth,
will transmit their tuppenceworth of atmosphere.
But nothing will prepare you
for the tendency to scare you
when that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer.

When that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer,
wise counsel warns you shouldn’t get too near.
It will thrill you, it will chill you,
it will more than likely kill you,
when that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer.

A vampire may surprise you,
petrify and paralyse you.
When you gaze into his eyes, you know you’re falling.
And a banshee, loudly wailing
on a bench beside a railing
will leave one’s reason failing – how appalling!
And when witches cross the moon
with their potions widely strewn,
you just know there’s trouble brewin’ but it’s clear
that nothing chills the soul,
or turns your heart as black as coal
as when that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer.

When that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer,
your very reason starts to disappear.
It’s designed to be unkind
and it will make you lose your mind
when that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer.

In the bottom of Hell’s pit,
where the fires are always lit,
it is fair to say that it can raise a smile.
Though the air is sulphur-scented
and Beelzebub’s demented,
still, your soul is not tormented all the while.
For damnation, when eternal
and unbearably infernal
does not strike at the kernel of your fear.
That only happens when you’re frazzled,
by uncertainty bedazzled,
when that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer.

When that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer,
the precipice to madness drops down sheer.
Inhumanity, insanity,
the foulest, vile profanity
when that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer.
No there’s nothing down in Hades
that will scare the men and ladies
as when that evil ghost-laugh laundry edges beer.

The Awdl Gywydd and what to do if it bites you

2011-10-14T19:44:00.002+01:00

I can't believe I'm 50 years old and this is my first awdl gywydd. What have I done with my life?
Actually I'd never heard of an awdl until Grace O'Malley at Imaginary Toads encouraged us to write one a few days ago. Basically its a strictly formal Welsh Middle Ages poetic form - Grace will enlighten you further on the link.
Being a Welsh verse form, I thought I'd go for a Welsh theme. Wales play France in the semi-finals of the Rugby World Cup this weekend after knocking out Ireland. Personally, I wasn't too bothered. In Ireland, rugby is basically a public school / private school sport, like in Scotland and in England, whereas in Wales it is more working class. I'm also prejudiced because the school I went to in England was modelled on public school lines and we all had to play rugby instead of footie which killed me.
But for the Welsh, I hope ye go on to win it -

Men of Harlech

Men of Harlech, clear your throats,
dismount your goats, practise scrums,
dream of your valleys of green,
stick heads between comrades’ bums.

Put aside your aching bones,
Jenkins, Jones and Warburton.
If you find the French too strong,
your bones will long be hurtin’.

Men of Swansea, Newport, Rhyl,
the valleys will be cheering.
Jaws will harden, buttocks clench –
the feckless French are nearing.

Clasp tightly your odd-shaped balls,
Destiny calls to stir you.
Choirs sing of you in B flat
but don’t let that deter you.

Rumour mill working overtime

2011-10-10T17:32:00.002+01:00

One of my most looked-forward-to weekends of the year is fast approaching - the Baffle Festival in Loughrea over the Bank Holiday weekend. This is quite a unique weekend of poetry with locals and far-flung poets competing for the coveted Baffle turnip.

The format is quite simple. There is a theme for the competition and you read your poem at one of two pubs in the town on the Saturday night. Roughly ten are selected from each heat to go forward to the final on the Sunday evening.

There are accomplished wordsmiths and people who seldom put pen to paper from one year to the next but all are treated with the utmost reverence when its their turn to read. Add in the incomparable Declan O'Brien as MC and a host of subsidiary events and its truly one of the best weekends of the year.

This year the theme is - Rumour has it Not a theme that lends itself very much to interpretation, like last year's Off the Rails so I'm struggling at the minute to come up with an angle. But there's still over a fortnight left, so plenty of time.

Full details here

Doing something silly

2011-10-10T05:57:00.003+01:00

I run anything from 5 miles to 10 miles (usually the shorter) three times a week so my daughter entered me for the Dublin Simon Fun Run on Saturday. Unfortunately, due to road works in the Phoenix Park, they had to reduce the race from 5 miles to 5 kilometers. As they felt this represented no challenge, my wife and daughter decided I should do it in fancy dress, blonde wig, teddy bear in a sling, wearing a pink nightie.
Did it in 28 minutes, a bit slow, but it ain't easy running one-handed. And I spent the first mile dodging around slower people ahead of me.
My wife and daughter are quite worried now, as I've taken rather a liking to the wig and nightie....

A shot in the arm

2011-10-08T13:05:00.004+01:00

Issue #5 of the Shot Glass Journal is currently on line. I've grown to love this magazine as its ideally suited to people like me who find it hard to concentrate on very long poems. Instead, it serves up poems in shot glasses, 16 lines or less.
I love this magazine even more as they are publishing three of my pieces in this issue, all written on holidays in France this year.
Dublin poet Kevin Graham also features. He's been published in some of the biggest mags in Ireland, so I'm in good company.
The list of US poets features someone called Chocolate Waters. Oh, envy...

Competition results; competition cancelled

2011-10-06T21:52:00.002+01:00

Last year's Patrick Kavanagh Award was won by the wonderful Connie Roberts (above - centre) with Jim Maguire and Helena Nolan (also above) joint second

This year, Helena has gone one better and taken the award for 2011. I first met her when she was a Strokestown finalist some years ago and have followed her progress ever since. Well done Helena.

Joint second were Andrew Jamison, one of my fellow Poetry Ireland Introductions readers last year, and Fizzboro's Cliona O'Connell.

I didn't enter this year - it cost too much and I'm too mean.

I had to email the judges to find out who won the very secretive Poet of Fingal competition (aka who'll come second to Tommy Murray) Actually Tommy didn't feature this year and all the prizewinners came from Fingal -

POET OF FINGAL: 1ST Patricia Byrne, Swords ‘A Lock Out’
2nd Tony Devlin, Blanchardstown ‘Broken’
3rd Patrick Condon, Swords ‘The Fisherman’

SHORT STORY 1st Martin Whelan, Malahide ‘Stern Reality’
2nd E. Hughes, Swords ‘Dogged’
3rd Daniel J. Boland, Rush ‘Farewell Drink’

I was particularly delighted for Tony Devlin as he is the driving force behind our local writers group and very kindly launched my Flash of Orange two years ago. I did enter this one, I do live in Fingal but once again sank without a trace.

Dromineer was on last week. I was aiming to go but in the end there were just too many things on and the weather was crap so I missed it. Here are the results

POETRY Competition, judged by Dermot Healy

1st Yoga Class by Liza Costello, Dublin
2nd Meeting Himself Coming Back by James Martyn, Galway
3rd The Grip of the Dead by Paul McMahon, Sligo

Highly commended Poems

Invasion by Afric McGlinchey, County Cork
The Colony by Tommy Murray, Co Meath
Church Bell in Codalet, France by Peter Goulding, Dublin
In the Dog House by Paul McMahon, Sligo
Flatline by Paul McMahon, Sligo

Looks like Paul McMahon had a great competition! Tommy Murray adds another line to his massive CV and the immensely likable Afric McGlinchey scores again. Well done to all.

The editorial board of Crannóg Magazine has now read all submissions for Crannóg 28, the autumn 2011 issue. Unfortunately, due to both the high quantity and quality of material received, we are unable to use your submission. Thank you for submitting to us. Please feel free to submit to future issues of Crannóg and do please keep in contact with us through our website: http://www.crannogmagazine.com
Publication date for Crannóg 28 is Friday October 21st.
With best regards

I love Crannog but have only managed to get in there once. Its a great little magazine run by some very nice people.

And finally...
We wish to thank you for entering the WOW! Awards. Unfortunately they have had to be cancelled for this year.
We are reversing your paypal entry fee.
We regret any inconvenience caused.
Regards

Technology 1 Stammering Poet 0

2011-10-02T12:20:00.002+01:00

I think I may have to give up blogging.

Not because I want to but because I can't post comments up on anybody else's blog, nor indeed on my own,

Up to about three months ago, it was fine. Then Blogger updated itself and since then whenever I comment, I have to log out and log back in again for the comment to be accepted.

Now, however, whenever I make a comment, I keep getting the error message -
"We're sorry, but we were unable to complete your request.
The following errors were found:
Input error: Cookie value is null for FormRestoration"

I have no idea what this means - the Help page is useless.

So, unless anybody has a step by step solution for a technology dunce, there's no point in me posting if I can't reply to comments and I wouldn't expect other people to post on my blog if I don't post on theirs.

Danse Macabre 50

2011-10-02T11:03:00.002+01:00

An online I like a lot for its quirkiness is Danse Macabre, which has just published its 50th issue.

A mixture of gothic horror and middle european arts and culture, it emanates - surprisingly - from Nevada and is always jammed to the hilt with good stuff. One interesting aspect is that it publishes old poetry and stories from the likes of Keats and Poe alongside contemporary and emerging authors. I was fortunate enough to get into Issue 42 but shamefully haven't submitted since.

But many congratulations to Henri Carriere for achieving 50 issues.

Lead on MacDuff...

2011-09-30T18:44:00.002+01:00

Dear Peter
I am writing to let you know that despite being in the final shortlist for the post of poet-in-residence at BAZ productions, the judges did not choose your poem.
Yours was one of 10 poems in the final selection, and each was of such a high standard that we would love to have them read aloud before a performance of Macbeth one evening. Would you consent to your excellent poem Macbeth's Lost Soliloquy in Act 1 Scene 3 being read at one of our pre-show events in the Crypt bar from 6-7pm? Would you like to perform it yourself if so?
Do keep in touch, and in the meantime thank you so much for sending in your
poems, they were fantastic and I can assure you the decision making process
was extremely difficult.
With best wishes,
the Baz Team

Ah, another lovely rejection letter. It really softens the blow when people go to so much trouble.
The competition was organised by new London theatre company Baz Productions with the interesting provisions that the verse should relate to Macbeth and incorporate iambic pentameter in some way. The winning poem is here and, as mine is probably no good for anything else, I'll post it below. The great thing is that Wendy Cope was one of the judges, so I can say that Wendy Cope actually read a poem of mine.-

Macbeth’s lost soliloquy in Act I Scene III
(only the first line was retained in the original Folio)

Macbeth: So foul and fair a day I have not seen –
heatwave, sleet and all things in between.
It is on days like this that I despair,
for what’s a Scottish nobleman to wear
in Scottish climes when weather turns and turns?
The sun was lost, yet presently it burns
and Factor 15’s surely not enough
to bronze like that unnatural-born Macduff.
Is this a brolly that I see before me,
the spokes turned inside out? Yet morning saw me
stripping down to boxer shorts and sandals,
the better for to fight Norwegian vandals.
Last night, as I was sleeping on the floor,
methought I heard a voice cry, Sleet no more,
Macbeth hath murdered sleet! Yet when I woke,
I looked around to see who ‘twas had spoke,
yet there was none; yet he could have my seat
if he could only help me murder sleet.
It is the worst weather known in life,
though people warn, Beware the rain of Fife.
Yon isobars are closely knit together,
foretelling we are in for windy weather.
But see, those nimbus clouds that promise flood
sit motionless as trees in Birnam Wood.
But here come three weird sisters, rife with cysts,
doubtless amateur meteorologists.
Tell me, crones, which weather will prevail?

First witch: Hail
Second witch: Hail
Third witch: Hail.

Boyne Berries Launch

2011-09-30T07:40:00.004+01:00

Managed to attend the launch of Boyne Berries 10 in Trim last night and I'm glad I did. For the 10th issue, the editorial team decided to do something a little different and went for a full colour magazine with illustrations to accompany the poetry and prose and playwrighting and the result is a true work of art that looks very very classy. Greg Hastings' cover design (above) incorporates the starkness of the normal BB cover but the subtle colouring marks it as a collectors issue.
A good sized and attentive crowd there as always. To my great disappointment, the hilarious Paddy Smith was missing. Get well soon, Paddy!
Lots of readers too, which brought the poems and prose pieces to life. I was delighted to finally meet Evan Costigan, whose name appears regularly in publications and competition shortlists throughout Ireland, and his Leaving Nagasaki was a delight in its novel approach to an old subject. I loved Honor Duff's Giant Steps, with its kick in the teeth last line, the internal rhymes of young Rory O'Sullivan's The Door that opens into darkness; James Linnane produced a fine piece called Blade (never realised that he wrote such well-crafted poetry); Tom Dredge's poem on Joyriding was a stark odyssey to an inevitable conclusion; Susan Connolly's At Ellie Vaughan's grave was a delight from start to finish (Ellie was Ledwidge's wanno); and on and on. A very inspiring evening and a humbling one too.
My own poem was short and I got through it okay. When I was small, I used to get travel sick. I could hold it in for mile after mile and then 100 yards from the destination, it would all come out! Last night, I thought I read practically perfectly before blocking on the final word!!
As, for once, I managed to drive straight to the hotel without spending fifteen minutes circling the metropolis of Trim, I was able to spend some time beforehand chatting to the abovementioned Evan Costigan and also Carolyne Van Der Meer, all the way from Montreal and her first time in Ireland. She told me that one of her goals on the trip had been to meet me because she loves my blog. Patently untrue, but I adored her for saying it.
The multi-talented Padhraig Nolan (aka Scalder) did the artwork to her fascinating glimpse of the undercurrents beneath the teeming world of Montreal's Central Station and I believe she will be bringing the original artwork back home from her short trip too!
Peter Fallon gave the introduction - always a great and interesting speaker. I caught his reading at Strokestown this year and he read his poem The Fields of Meath, which is truly superb and kicks off BB10.
And to round matters off, I managed to get my picture taken with Orla Fay, which I can show with pride to my grandchildren in years to come, when she is rich and famous.
Many thanks to Michael for his usual courteous hospitality and wry sense of humour. There is a second launch tonight in Charlie Byrne's bookshop on Galway at 6pm and then he'll be jetting off down under in his attempt at world domination.
Boyne Berries 10 may be purchased here

Boyne Berries 10 - trying to make time

2011-09-27T18:21:00.002+01:00

I've just got my first two grandchildren in the past six weeks.
Monica's mother is in hospital.
We've ordered a new carpet and suite for Friday week and the sitting room and dining room need to be decorated by then (ceilings, walls, skirting boards)
The next edition of the Community Voice needs to be put together by early next week.
The yellow Engine Check light has suddenly started appearing on my dashboard.
I'm in work 7am to 7pm tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.

I have no idea where I'm going to make time for the launch of Boyne Berries 10 in Trim on Thursday night but I fully intend to be there. I was disgusted with myself for missing the last one (got a serious headache on the afternoon) and I'm not missing this one. Always a very entertaining evening, extremely hospitable hosts and a great magazine to take home afterwards. We are also promised a launch by Peter Fallon, which was excellent the last time he did it.
For possibly the first time ever, my poem is quite short. You know the way stammerers never shut up? Well, I'm up and down this time!! Everybody will be happy.
Full details here

Aquillrelle - oh dear...

2011-09-26T19:57:00.002+01:00

Dear Peter,
Congratulations! Your poetry was among the best sent to our competition.
Attached please find your certificate. Please let us know if you would wish your full name to be included on the certificate and in this case please tell us your correct name (to prevent spelling mistakes).
As a shortlisted poet we offer you the possibility of publishing a collection of your poems, at the reduced price of 125$. If you wish to do it, please collect and send us a number of poems which would fill about 200 pages of an A5 size book and let us know if you have a cover preference (front and back) - we will do our best to follow your preferences. You can leave it all to us as well, we do not mind. This offer is valid until 31.March.2012.
Could you please also send us a short bio and a picture of yourself, for our online publishing of the finalists, and maybe also for the book.
Thank you for bringing such beauty to our contest and to our lives,
Kindest regards,
the Aquillrelle team
http://www.aquillrelle.com
http://www.aquillrelle.com/news.htm

As a very wise woman - Kate Dempsey - once told me, if you're being asked to pay for your work, its probably a scam. Certainly, they don't say how many copies of your book you get for your $125. They seem to use Lulu too - I've done a 200 page book on Lulu for €10.

It appears that there are about 100 'winners' - 5 get published for free, the rest get a discount. To be fair to them, the competition was free to enter.

Summer lovin' happened so fast

2011-09-24T12:51:00.002+01:00

Have done a fair amount of research on my amily tree and on Thursday came across this extra addition to it -

Summer Rose Fox - b. 22/09/2011 at 15.01 at the National Maternity Hospital, Dublin d/o Greg and Louise Fox (nee Goulding). 8lbs 4ozs after a very quick labour.

Mother and baby doing well. Grandparents chuffed.

Poetry Bus 2

2011-09-22T11:40:00.003+01:00

Received my copy of Poetry Bus 2 this week and a very impressive magazine it is too. It is quite a feat to launch a new poetry magazine on to the market and to make it stand out in some way, but the bould O'Donoghue, like any good Wickler man, appears to have pulled it off.

The poetry is the usual mixed bag of stuff I like and stuff I don't understand which is more a reflection of me and my unwillingness to spend time dissecting a poem and, in that, it is the same as other poetry magazines but the A4 format, the artwork and the very welcome bonus of the CD makes it quite the treasure trove.

Of course I have some reservations. Speaking as an old Poetry Bus rider, I was disappointed to see so many of the old passengers missing - Chris Alba, Pat Thistlethwaite, Nancy Uhrhammer, Niamh Bagnell, the Watercats, Dana Bug, Jeanne Lakatos, the Pixies, Heather Martin, Dominic Rivron etc - but I suppose that is life, we move on, find new audiences, new crowds, and that is probably the right thing to do. But I thought there was something special about that group which deserved to be anthologised and I suppose I mourn its passing. The new set seems to be concentrated around the Glor Sessions / Salmon Poetry crowd, which is probably more relevant to the poetry scene in Ireland at the moment.

I would have liked to have seen brief bios too, to know something about the poets involved, but we are merely directed to the website which, as yet, only has a handful of bios. Wouldn't be looking for the pages of bios that accompanied PB1 but a few brief lines in small font on each contributor.

Having said that, Peadar has gone and put his balls on the line, which I haven't done. The resulting magazine is a tribute to his hard work and dedication. Bravo, that man.Roll on PB3

PS Rachel Fox has a great review of the magazine here

Poetry Competitions - deadlines looming

2011-09-21T20:12:00.002+01:00

As usual, only poetry competitions with online entry included. And the UKs National Poetry competition excluded due to the incredibly large entry.
1) Poetry Kit Poetry competition. Quarterly competition. Open style. Small prize. No fee but donation requested via Paypal. By 30th September
2) Flash 500 competition for humorous poetry. Another quarterly competition. Bloody Martin Parker won the inaugural competition, admittedly with a very clever verse. One of mine scraped the longlist. 30th September
3) Science Teller competition. New Zealand competition. Free entry. Other art forms than poetry. Must have a scientific theme, but that's pretty broad. October 1st.
4) Words on the Web - the WOW awards. Got shortlisted last year. Unlikely to make the cut this year but will probably enter. October 1st. They extended the deadline last year - don't count on it this year!
5) TryAngle Project. Write a poem on Domestic Violence. Not for the faint hearted. October 10th
6) Sentinel Poetry Competition. 8 prize winners. Might be worth a punt. October 15th
7) Troubadour Poetry Prize. And a big prize too. 23 paying prizes which is impressive but probably too big for the likes of me. October 17th.
8) Open to Interpretation competition. Should suit any poets out there schooled on picture prompts. Select image. Write about it. October 20th. American competition
9) Francis Ledwidge competition. Can't find this on a dedicated webpage anywhere but its on the competition page of www.poetryireland.ie Never had any success here, probably because I keep sending them crap but the competition is a highly respected one.

Up the Junction

2011-09-20T20:00:00.002+01:00

Once upon a time, during a period from about 1975 to 1979, barely a weekend would go by without me going to some gig. Friars in Aylesbury was my local but we'd also go down to Dunstable or Hemel Hempstead or London. It was a great era for live music and the sheer thrill of being in the middle of a sweaty heaving mass at a Buzzcocks gig (or Ramones or Doctor Feelgood or Blondie or whoever) defined my mid to late teens period.

Being a boring old fart now, I don't go to gigs, so for our 25th anniversary present last May my wife bought me tickets to see Squeeze at Vicar Street this Sunday just gone. Squeeze always intrigued me - their lyrics never quite rhymed but they were always interesting. They were probably just a bit after my time too.

I have to say though the gig on Sunday night blew me away. Absolute classic rock and roll from start to finish, even the slow songs drove along at speed and I never realised quite how many hits they had. We all remember Cool for Cats and Up the Junction and Labelled with Love but I'd forgotten songs like Take me I'm yours and Another nail in my heart. Fair took me back so it did.

Amusing to see the crowd was mainly grey or baldy haired 50 year olds like myself. Mind you Tilbrook has filled out too! The taxi driver on the way home had never heard of them, he said.

Lighten Up Online Online

2011-09-16T14:04:00.003+01:00

The September issue of Lighten Up Online is now online. Well, it has been for weeks but I've been playing my geeeetar a lot recently and done plain forgot to remind you good people out there.
I like Lighten Up Online because not only does it contain poems I can understand but its one of the few magazines that I can get into on a regular basis, mainly because I plied the editor with drink when he was over at Strokestown this year.

Yet again an innovative competition to get your teeth into - a conversation between two items on a shopping list!

John Doe's brother, Ron

2011-09-15T10:46:00.002+01:00

Imaginary garden with real toads challenged us on Tuesday to compile a rondeau. It is now Thursday and I'm late again. As usual, my morbidity has taken over.Please see other rondeaux (?) at the link above.

Oh tragic day

Oh tragic day, the lovely Caoimhe *
sleeps here with her kin to grieve ‘er;
a shepherdess in wooden box now,
clad in vest and cotton socks now,
till we shrug and pull the lever.

Bitten by a rabid beaver,
she succumbed to roaring fever.
Would it were a mangy fox now –
Oh tragic day!

God and drugs could not reprieve ‘er,
so we bow our heads and leave ‘er.
Upon the pearly gates she knocks now,
with no-one here to mind her flocks now,
for we’re going calling on Aviva** –
oh tragic day...

* - Irish girl's name, pronounced Queeva
** - a large insurance company in the UK and Ireland.

Phizzfest Saturday night

2011-09-12T21:30:00.003+01:00

I have always tended to avoid the north inner city Dublin area of Phibsboro (the first b is silent) I lived for many years in the nearby Oxmantown Road / Arbour Hill area and the traffic snarl ups on the NCR outside St Peters Church were to be avoided at all costs. Also their local football team, Bohemians, currently have bragging rights over my football team Shelbourne.
But I put such prejudices aside on Saturday night. As a shortlistee in the recent Phizzfest Awards (and therefore anthologised in print) I was invited to read in Hedigans as part of the Phizzfest Community Arts Festival.
The evening in Hedigan's was split up into three sections. Firstly we had a reading from local group Mater Dei. Then we had a reading from the immensely talented Prufrocks. And finally us.
Woman Rule Writer, Nuala Ni Chonchuir, has posted up pics here My God but what a talented quartet the Prufrocks are. Nuala herself; Barbara Smith who blogs here (one of the first blogs I picked up on, though she's been a very infrequent poster of late!) Jaki McCarrick, whose name pops up very frequently in journals and poetry magazines; and Galway's Maureen Gallagher, equally as ubiquitous and who very graciously gave me unofficial fourth prize at last year's Baffle festival.
Maureen came second in the Phizzfest competiton and had another poem shortlisted; Simon Leyland, who was a Poetry Ireland Introductionser with me last year, also made the anthology, as did one of my favourite poets Noel King, who had a very unsettling and hard-hitting poem.
Winner was a lovely lady from Tipp, Ann Dempsey, in her seventies and her first published work. You can read her lovely Dart poem here.
Many thanks to John Brennan for a great evening.

Collioure sur mer

2011-09-08T23:28:00.002+01:00

Step outside your normal canvas and paint an impressionistic poem. I am paraphrasing imaginary garden with real toads here but that's the prompt. I don't think this really works but I gave it a go anyway.

Laneways cacophonise,
giggling like ruffled matadors in the heat,
their grey matt paving slabs
pounding like drums on a distant island.
Here they came,
Matisse, Derain, Signac,
like moths to a fuzzy light,
shards of slanting sun
singeing their beards and their brushes,
smudging the wave-lapped belltower
in a halitosis haze.
Dead ray and halibut piled up on the quay,
offending the delicate noses
of the bustled hoi-polloi
that patronised and patronised.
Dulce et decorum est,
says the cream-slapped child,
her arms the colour of quicksilver,
snatched up by a worried mother.
The whine of a distant guitar
curls around stockinged legs
and ballgowns rustle like chocolate
in the memory of the sea.
Across the harbour, a parson waved
but I turned and looked for you.

Go South young man

2011-09-08T17:46:00.002+01:00

It may be incredibly difficult to get into but its always worth a shot. The closing date for the winter edition of Southword is September 15th. Enter your poems online via their Submishmash page, which then lets you see exactly when your works of art have been rejected

Bad poetry

2011-09-07T20:04:00.003+01:00

Imaginary garden with real toads challenges us to come up with an example of bad poetry. Not ever having studied the subject I can't tell what constitutes good or bad poetry. On the other hand, one of my favourite bugbears is cliches in pop songs. The songs you remember are ones that have interesting lyrics or approach things from a different angle.

A few years ago, Samantha Mumba (above) brought out a song (that I can't remember) with a lovely tune but whoever wrote the lyrics must have used every cliche in the book - walk / talk, love/above, heart/apart etc. This is my attempt to out-Mumba Samantha.

Baby, we had a special love.
I thought that it came from up above.
We’d go walking in the park
and we’d go smooching in the dark.
Baby I love the way you walk
and Baby I love the way you talk.
I thought our love would never end
and you’d always be my special friend.

But now I heard you’ve been running round town
and putting tears on the face of this clown.
Baby, I’m down on my knees
and begging you please
Please come back to me.

Now all I seem to do is cry.
I look in the mirror and ask myself why.
You had a special place in my heart
and I thought we never would part.
Now I stay in hugging my pillow
and crying like a weeping willow
which is a very sad thing to do
for a man of fifty two.

But now I hear you’ve been running round town
and everybody’s been putting you down.
Baby, I’m feeling so sad
and it’s hurting so bad.
Please come back to me.

Baby my heart will always be true
and I’ll never stop loving you.
You were my very night and day
and I’ll love you come what may.
Oh baby, I will always remember
that saddest day in cold November
when you turned and walked away
beneath that sky so dull and grey.

Oh now I hear you’ve been running round town
and all I can do is frown.
I’m begging you baby
please don’t say maybe,
Please come back to me.

WOW awards closing next month

2011-09-06T04:15:00.003+01:00

It doesn't seem like yesterday (you're right it was a couple of months ago)that we all convened in Salthill for the WOW awards 2011 and it now appears the closing date for the 2012 awards is fast approaching.
Maximum 50 lines for poetry, 3,000 words for fiction (whatever that is). Closing date is October 1st which is just around the corner waiting to jump out and surprise you, so get your entries in.
Full details here

Humorous poetry? What's that?

2011-09-01T14:24:00.002+01:00

Stirring the Jam this week is Evelyn from Boston (probably Ma rather than Lincolnshire) who needs a dollop of humour to add to the ingredients. I'm sorry, I don't do humour. You will have to be content with a despondent dirge about unfaithfulness.

My wife is in the cellar

My wife is in the cellar
with her latest fancy feller
and no-one knows about it, except me.
I’m in a quandary whether
I should leave them there together
or if I should go down there after tea.

So sensual and so sultry
with a penchant for adult’ry –
five years ago we had such wedded bliss
but she relished all the danger
of liaisons with a stranger
and now it seems I’ve been reduced to this.

Her sexual capacity
was matched by her voracity
while once a week is perfect for myself,
so she’d entertain her men friends,
casual callers and her pen-friends,
while I was in the kitchen drying delph.

Yes, my wife is in the cellar
with her latest fancy feller
and there they will remain for evermore,
entwined in love’s embrace,
a look of shock upon each face,
a good two feet beneath the cellar floor.

Fire burn and cauldron bubble

2011-08-30T15:27:00.003+01:00

Okay, here's an interesting competition for those of you who like working to a prompt.
Write a poem 40 lines or less, using iambic pentameter in some way and involving one or more of the characters from Macbeth (probably my favourite Shakespeare play)
The prize is to be Poet in Residence at one of London's theatre companies, Baz Productions.
Snail mail or email. Wendy Cope amomg the judges.
By September 19th.
Details here

And the seed fell on Stony ground

2011-08-30T14:45:00.002+01:00

Dear Peter,
As Editor of The Stony Thursday Book 2011 it is my great pleasure to inform you that your poem The Church of the Battered Biscuit Tin has been selected by me for this year’s publication. I would like to thank you for submitting your work, I really enjoyed having the opportunity to read it. The official launch of The Stony Thursday Book 2011 will be at 7pm on Thursday, October 13th. in The Belltable Arts Centre in Limerick, and if you are able to attend I look forward to meeting you then. A copy of The Stony Thursday Book 2011 will be sent to you by post following the launch...

After several years of not managing to get in to the hallowed pages of the Stony Thursday, I've now cracked it two years on the trot. I'm still reading last year's actually - it's a huge compendium of different voices and its great to dip in and out of.

Seems I'm in good company this year too. The sublime Orla Fay is in there too!

Revival 20 and Poet of Fingal

2011-08-29T18:10:00.004+01:00

Belatedly got around to finishing Revival 20 last night. Always an enjoyable read, the sheer breadth of the voices on the page is an inspiration in itself. The very talented Tom Moloney has a wonderful villanelle in it and I'm becoming a big fan of Richard Halperin, although I've never met him.
Teri Murray is currently accepting submissions for Revival 21 up until September 15th. For submission guidelines see here

The Poet of Fingal award (aka the Who-will--finish-second-to-Tommy-Murray award) takes place tomorrow night in the Carnegie Court Hotel, North Street, Swords. Meath poet Tommy Murray seems to win this annually and doubtless he'll be up there again tomorrow night. My poem is about Andorra. What that has to do with Fingal, I have no idea.

Sadly I am in work and won't be able to make it.

Phizzing hell

2011-08-27T10:49:00.003+01:00

Dear Peter,
we have now completed judging of the entries for the Phizzfest Poetry Award 2011, and the winner and runners-up have been notified.
Your poem "A Very Mediaeval Redundency " has been selected for publication in a pamphlet entitled "Poems from Phizzfest - a selection of poems from the Phizzfest Poetry Award 2011", which we will launch during the festival. Phizzfest runs from Thursday 8th to Sunday 11th September.
We will be having a poetry reading on Saturday 10th September from 6.30pm to 8.00pm in the Brian Boru pub, Cross Guns Bridge, Phibsborough. The reading will feature two poetry groups, as well as the Poetry Award prizewinners and other poems featured in the "Poems from Phizzfest" pamphlet. You are invited to attend and read your poem on the evening.

Particularly delighted by this one, as, a few months ago, I wrote a series of (what I thought were) relevant poems about industrial relations in the new economic era. This however is the first to attract any interest!

(Postscript to all my friends out there in Blogland. Posting comments has become an arduous chore. Bl;ogger keeps asking me to log out, then log back in again (even on my own blog) and its driving me mad, so apologies to anyone who has posted comments that I haven't replied to. Be assured, I do appreciate all comments.)

Nowhere near the edge

2011-08-22T17:19:00.002+01:00

The long list of 75 for the Over the Edge New Writer of the Year competition has been published and I see that I have managed to maintain my remarkable record in this contest by failing to appear anywhere on it yet again. I was pretty happy with my three entries but evidently the judges weren't. Such is life.
My expectations of appearing on the shortlist to be published this Thursday has consequently diminished somewhat...
Not many familiar names on the list, I have to say - Kimberley Campanello (Poetry Ireland Introductions 2011), Tom Lavelle, Barbara Leahy, Kerrie O'Brien and Breda Wall Ryan, from the best county in Ireland, are all that I recognise. But congratulations to all.

At last some good news! (poetically speaking)

2011-08-22T04:09:00.003+01:00

It was beginning to turn into a summer of discontent as one by one my poetry submissions fell on stony ground. Nobody wanted me, my name was mud. What had I done? Mixed a metaphor? Incorrectly gauged my line length? That's the intriguing thing about poetry - what some people like, other people hate.
And so it was with great joy that this child saw the Lord had answered his prayers for he was to be included in the tenth anniversary edition of Boyne Berries to be published at the end of Mean Fomhair.
Many thanks to the Boyne Writers Group and see you all at the launch.

No buzz at Buzzwords

2011-08-19T13:22:00.002+01:00

The results from the Buzzwords Poetry Competition are out and in spectacular fashion, I failed to get into the top fifty with three poems that I thought might stand a good chance. Oh well, try again next year.
The only name in the fifty that I recognise is Jo Bell, a Cheshire poet who was one of the Strokestown chosen ten this year.

Dromineer this Friday and other competitions

2011-08-15T15:00:00.003+01:00

A quick reminder to all that entries for the Dromineer Literary Festival need to arrive by this Friday. Hopefully you are all on holidays, so I might have just a smidgeon of a chance this year.
Other competitions coming up before the end of the month are:
Scotscare (theme - a Scot in London)
Red Cross (theme - the disappeared)
Raftery (theme - journeying)
Helen Schaible Sonnet Competition - (Chicago based free competiton) - I actually got second place in this last year, somehow.
Anyone who can write a sonnet on a Scot in London going on a journey and then disappearing should really get a special prize.
Naturally I am not including UK competitons where there is no online entry, of which there are many.

Money galore at Tullamore!

2011-08-15T14:51:00.003+01:00

Woke up this afternoon (I'm working nights in case you think I'm just dead lazy) to a lovely voicemail from Tullamore informing me that I had come fourth in the Tullamore Agricultural Show inaugural poetry competition. The competition was judged by the highly discerning Connie Roberts, of PK and Dromineer fame. Who says sucking up to judges doesn't help, Michael? (I hasten to add, should I be inadvertently impugning Connie's impeccable reputation, that judging was as usual completely anonymous)
I had been a bit concerned about this competition because I had had a phone call asking me which competition I was entering. And a fortnight before, I received a packet with a lot of Exhibitor stickers to affix to my car when arriving!
Anywhere, the cheque, apparently, is in the post, along with a certificate, for which I am very grateful. Ten euro apparently. Who said there's no money in poetry?

To paraphrase Margaret Thatcher...

2011-08-13T21:31:00.005+01:00

To paraphrase Magaret Thatcher (and that is not a phrase I ever imagined myself using) we are a grandfather.
Jason Goulding born 8.58am in the Rotunda Hospital. 7lbs 14ozs. Mother (Amy) and baby doing well. Father (Neil) gone all soft. Granny (Monica) in her element.

I miss that old tree

2011-08-07T21:27:00.003+01:00

I haven't been sampling the Poetry Jam for a while through holidays and an unforeseen and un-get-out-of-able bout of painting and decorating but this week I see the incredibly talented Chris of Enchanted Oak fame is stirring the mixture, so I'll throw this tearful eulogy about an enchanted tree of my own in for good measure. For more substantial poetical ingredients, follow the linky yoke here

I miss that old tree at the end of the street,
which afforded us shade in the dull summer heat,
that flung its leaves gaily when autumn did blow
and shivered when branches were laden with snow.

I miss that old tree, where we once carved our names
and hid from each other in long, childhood games.
And sat in the branches and secretly smoked,
the wisps of tobacco so cleverly cloaked.

I miss that old tree, where I’d meet my first love
as sparrows and chaffinches twittered above,
where night time goodbyes lasted almost till dawn
and sexual awakening was clumsily born.

‘Twas a terrible storm on the night it came down,
the lightning forked wildly o’er this part of town.
The crash was heard widely, we all rushed outside
to witness the moment that tree of ours died.

Beneath its great trunk, my poor, flattened wife lay,
crushed at the wheel of her Honda Coupé.
Oh yes, ‘twas a terrible moment for me
and still, two years later, I miss that old tree.

Fine fare at Farmleigh

2011-08-05T22:20:00.003+01:00

Managed to get a break from painting (bedrooms, not art) last night to attend the Writers Unplugged event at Farmleigh in Ferdia MacAnna's first gig as Writer in Residence there. And a great night it was too.
Dermot Bolger, one of my favourite poets, read some of his poetry and his two highly talented sons, Donnacha and Diarmuid, performed songs from their recently released CD.

As I watched them, I decided that both needed a haircut, which means I am now officially old.

Ferdia himself, formerly Rocky deValera, played some really good 12 bar blues and Helena Mulkearns from Caca Milis Cabaret down in Waterford put in an absolute terrific performance. Her Piaf number was brilliant but her interpretation of Kirsty McCall's In these shoes (with extra Spanish bits) was incredible.

Thomas McLoughlin, former frontman with Light a Big Fire and now a very successful playwright, showed his versatility, singing acapello (despite a very dodgy mike) and also playing guitar and delivering monologues. His humour is very close to the edge and dry and I thought he was hilarious, though at the back of my mind I wondered how the oul wans would take to him!

So back to the painting.

IPYPIAAM

2011-07-29T16:41:00.002+01:00

There's still five months to go to International Put Your Poem in a Shop Month, Mme Cushions little baby (well, her other little baby) but what is a crap poet to do when bored out of his skull on a two and a half hour flight back from Perpignan?
Yes, as the only celebrant of International Put Your Poem in an aeroplane month, I callously and wilfully defaced not only the Cara Inflight magazine but the sick bag too. God, how immature!

Lines written in the Aer Lingus Inflight magazine Cara

(on an article titled “48 hours in Bath”)

48 hours in Bath? Uncanny
how you come out like your granny.

(on an article about the wonders of Dubrovnik)

Croatia, of course, is
the place for divorces,
so beware, if you’re seeking to flit.
So many fly out
with their marriage out,
and they go to Dubrovnik, then Split.

(on an article with the first line “Polish people never dance”)

Polish people never dance
under any circumstance.
Shame this most romantic art
has left the people poles apart.

(on an article profiling cabin crew member Heather Worrall)

Hi! My name is Heather Worrall.
Ogling me is quite immoral.

Lines written on an Aer Lingus Sick Bag

Dear passenger,
please don’t be thinking
there’s no harm in inflight drinking.
This bag is not that strong – far from it! –
so kindly moderate your vomit.

Persona non gratis in Sligo

2011-07-29T16:24:00.002+01:00

Spent all day yesterday trying to install the new phone we got from UPC. They neglected in the book to tell you two important details - there's a switch you need to push to the left; you need to phone the helpdesk to install your new modem. Grrrrr.
Anyway, I've only just got around to seeing the results of the Hawkswell iYeats Poetry competiton 2011 and guess what? Yup, yet another blank. When they come thick and fast like this, it can get a bit discouraging.
Congratulations to Jessamine O'Connor, not only for winning, but also for her name, which is truly wonderful. I see Noel King, yet again, in the list of the Nearlies and Kerrie O'Brien is featuring in Poetry Bus 2. I'm assuming that the Colm Farrell listed is probably sick of the jokes, so I won't mention him.

The 4 line biog

2011-07-27T19:23:00.003+01:00

I once heard it said that the difference between American people going for an interview and English and Irish people going for an interview is that Americans know how to sell themselves. They push their strengths and achievements, whereas on this side of the pond, we are almost apologetic, as though we'll be thought less of for blowing our own trumpets.
This may be changing. Programmes like the Apprentice show there is nothing wrong with self-promotion and listing of one's achievements is now more a thing to be admired than a flaw.
I suppose, as in many other things, I'm firmly rooted in the past. I recently had to write a 4 line biog for the Poetry on the Lake anthology and it sat very badly with me to say I'd been published here or won such a competition. Yet everybody does it. Its just not for me, that's all. I'll add it to my lengthy list of flaws.
Of course people think you're being falsely modest. One person even described my self-deprecatory remarks on the back of 'The Six Gifts of Womanhood' as 'a good marketing strategy.'
So you can't win.
Of course, if you want to get published, you need to sell yourself, which I can't do.

No joy either with Edwin Morgan

2011-07-26T08:58:00.003+01:00

Not sure why I enter this competition. They had over 1,000 entries last year, so my stuff is never going to stand out. Maybe it is more affordable than some of the others? Maybe that's why they get such a huge entry?
Five shortlistees and five commendeds here, strangely enough only one man among the ten. No names I recognise but as I've said a thousand times before, that's a reflection on me, not on them.

New Zealand Poetry Competition - nul points

2011-07-26T08:44:00.003+01:00

Another spectacular failure to stir the judges into some sort of recognition in the New Zealand Poetry Society competition. The winners and the commendeds are generally from NZ, with a couple from the UK. None from Ireland and, curiously, none from Australia neither.

I attach the judge's report as it is interesting, though I'm not sure how useful it is. The overall winner seems to fit into Category 10, for example, and naturally other judges have different sets of criteria.

Judge’s Report (Judge: Tim Upperton) – How do you judge a poem? Actually, judging a poem is easy. Judging 679 poems is hard. It’s easier, I think, to articulate where poems go awry, so let me talk about that first. As I read these poems, I found myself assigning many of them to certain vague categories that became more clearly defined as I went along. All examples are, of course, my own invention.
1. The undeserved praise poem. These poems praised something, often extravagantly, for just doing its job. “Oh bedside lamp, you shed light on my book, that I may read!”
2. The eighteenth century poem. “O bedside lamp, thou shedd’st light on my book, that I may read by thee!”
3. The extremely difficult form poem. Never has there been such a congregation of pantoums, villanelles, sestinas, even a mirror poem or two. These poems often seemed to breathe a sigh of relief in the last line – thank God, here’s the end and I haven’t dropped the ball. But is that enough, not to drop the ball?
4. The homily. An anecdote followed by a moral. I don’t think I’ve ever been so instructed in my life. I realise I don’t care about morality very much.
5. Rhymes that hurt my ears.
6. The quiveringly sensitive poem. In these poems, the speakers are more sensitive than I will ever be. They feel so much, so much. I realise I’m not very interested in feelings.
7. The smart-arse poem. This is a variation on no.6. The smart-arse poem knows a lot, and hints that it knows a lot more. It bristles with literary allusions. It talks down to me. It pisses me off.
8. The galloping poem. These poems just go for it, in a pounding rhythm, regardless of subject matter. Birth of a son? Te-te-TUM te-te-TUM. Grandmother’s funeral? Te-te-TUM te-te-TUM.
9. The Big Issue poem. A tricky one, this. No reason why poems shouldn’t address big issues, but they nearly always come unstuck when they do. It’s as if the issue carries the poem, and not the other way round.
10. The darkly enigmatic poem. This poem means something, but it’s not going to let you in on the secret, oh, no. It’s like an architect designed a house and disdained doors and windows.
From 679 poems to just eighteen. These poems all demonstrated an understanding of language and its resources, and particularly of sound. The best of them appear to follow a tune where it leads them; they are exploratory, tentative, questioning, open. They transform what they represent, and take me somewhere I didn’t expect to go.

What is poetry?

2011-07-23T14:40:00.002+01:00

I only found out about the Tullamore Agricultural Show poetry competition on my return from holidays on Tuesday, thanks to Michael Farry, so I sent off my two entries on Wednesday. The entry form was a little confusing but I put Poetry down in the section marked Class (they have Art, Photography, Livestock etc) enclosed a cheque and hoped it would get down for Friday.
Well, it did. I know this because I got a phone call from a committee member on the Thursday, asking me which category I was entering. This kind of puzzled me, as I had attached my two poems and put Poetry on the entry form. What did they think? Aberdeen Angus? Rhode Island Red?
I can only assume my poetry is getting more and more obscure.
Connie Roberts (above - hint, the one with the smaller necklace) is the judge of this one. This is good news, as she would probably have won it herself.

Catching up

2011-07-20T14:30:00.003+01:00

Okay, just back from Roussillon and trying desperately to catch up on the news poetique.
No joy in the Hungry Hill Poets meet painters competition this year but a few familiar names in the list of Commendeds - Breda Wall Ryan, the incredibly talented Aifric McGlinchey, Eleanor Hooker (what a year for her!) and Strokestown finalist Siobhan Flynn. Aoife Troxel won the schools section. She blogs here. Well done to all.
No joy either in the Welsh Poetry competition. Obviously I'm not very good at writing Welsh Poetry.
I did manage a Commended in the formal verse section of the Poetry on the Lake competition, for my sestina A black-suited revolution. The dates of the festival in Northern Italy sadly coincides with our daughter's giving-birth date, so Monica has said I can't go.
Other news (and I have to go to the supermarket, so you'll have to google the links yezzerselves) Boyne Berries submissions must be in by the end of the month; the Tullamore Agriculture Show's poetry competiton must be in by Friday; Phizzfest has extended its deadline till the end of July (I hate it when they do that); the eagerly anticipated Poetry Bus 2 looks like it may be arriving in August; and a reminder that the Over the Edge awards for poetry and narrative poetry without line breaks must be in by August 3rd, which is coming up like a jail on wheels.

Au revoir mes amis

2011-07-04T20:03:00.002+01:00

Off to France for two weeks in the morning. We are going to the Conflent region, small village house with views of the Canigou (think Perpignan and then inland for 45 minutes) Hope to get loads of writing done.
The region boasts 300 days of sunshine per year. In true Goulding fashion, the weather forecast is wretched.
See you in two weeks.

Beware of the flowers Poetry Jam

2011-07-03T09:23:00.004+01:00

This week's jam stirrer is the pentagenarian Kat from Kanada and she's set us a delicious confiture to spread on our croissants. "Use your imagination and write about flowers that are used for ill-will, or a funeral, or that conjure up sad memories, or are ragged and dirty and war-torn.
I don’t want anything pretty … or flowery"
Okay, as the legendary John Otway once wrote, beware of the flowers cos I'm sure they're gonna get you, yeah...

Deadly nightshade – plans for the money

Pale deadly nightshade, aroma so sweet –
ironic she said they looked good enough to eat,
but I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Bland deadly nightshade, ground to a powder,
the mystery’s how it got into her chowder,
but I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Swift deadly nightshade, atropa belladonna –
several convulsions and she was a goner
but I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Sad deadly nightshade, unearthed and cremated.
Forensics found nothing to get them fixated
but I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Bright deadly nightshade, strewn on her coffin,
the cheapest old box I could see my wife off in
but I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Flat deadly nightshade, pressed into my Bible –
I’ve sued several national papers for libel
and I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Damned deadly nightshade, the perfume still lingers,
no matter how thoroughly I scrub my fingers
but I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Cruel deadly nightshade, growing on her grave –
is that any way for a corpse to behave?
But I’ve plans for the money
and spending’s the way I will grieve.

Marple Poetry Competition Results

2011-07-01T20:22:00.004+01:00

I've never had any success in the Marple Poetry Competition and this year I succeeded in maintaining my unimpressive record.
They have prizes for prose and poetry and they have an award for humorous verse, which is what I enter. Only one winner in this section, no commendeds, so if you're not at the top of the tree, forget it. But congratulations to Chris Banks of Bristol for an expertly contrived villanelle.
There is also a competition for the best 9 poems submitted by one author, to be published in booklet form. I didn't enter this, because frankly I'm a scabby git, but I see that Josh Ekroy features in the commendeds. Josh is a London poet who, as far as I'm aware, is the only person to win the Strokestown Humorous Verse competition (political satire, as it was then) with a non-rhyming poem. That was in 2006 and I've seen his name cropping up regularly ever since, (usually for serious poetry) so well done Josh.

Crannog 27

2011-07-01T20:05:00.002+01:00

Crannog 27, the summer edition, dropped through my door this week, adorned with a particularly ugly moth that I would happily batter with a newspaper if ever it ventured into my house.
As usual, a top quality smorgasbord of poetry and prose on offer, which I am working through slowly, savouring every last drop.
Donna Sorensen of this year's Poetry Ireland Introductions series is in there, as is recent Swift Satire winner Maureen Gallagher. Try and get a copy of the magazine if only for a quite hilarious poem by Jarlath Fahy, entitled How I Saved Ireland by not Collecting my Dole.
As it has now turned to July, the autumn edition reading season is now open and will be until September 1st. See the website for submission details.

Snakeskin Issue 178

2011-07-01T19:36:00.003+01:00

Snake Cane by Michael Byro

Snakeskin 178 is out and I'm amazed to discover that I have three poems in it. Looking back it's October 2009 since I last managed to get a poem in there, so I'm actually quite thrilled to be in this time around.

This edition of Snakeskin is the Short Poem edition for verse of eight lines or under and there's some cracking good poems in there. August Snakeskin will be a double issue with an open theme, so get submitting!

A pot of musical canary flavoured jam - yummy

2011-06-26T15:59:00.004+01:00

Poetry jam time again this week with the wonderfully versatile Brian stirring the ingredients. What our chef is looking for this week is "to pick a favorite song and either use a line from the song in your poem or write a poem inspired by that song."
I haven't exactly gone for a favourite song but its a blast from the past from the seventies. It reached number one, so I'm hoping younger people will have heard of it. Forget Dylan and Cohen - this was the anthem of the poetic generation of the seventies, seeking a new direction after the sixties went off the road in spectacular fashion.
This is my George Lucas style prequel to the song in question...

Canary

They say she was once a canary, my mother,
whistling gaily in exotic climes,
flitting between gnarled juniper bushes
with a flip of her tail
until my father threw his hat over her,
cupped her in his strong hands
and placed her in a cage in Francis Street,
where he showed her off to the neighbours.

He taught her how to be a woman,
how to cook dinners and sew
and hoover and not to answer back
and slowly my mother’s feathers moulted
and her beak became lips
and she began to walk,
awkwardly at first, like someone
woken after too long a sleep.

But, despite my father’s success,
he knew it was only a matter of time.
One day he would come home
to find the cage door open
and the seeds untouched
and he would know that she’d be
soaring and swooping beneath a big sun
in a land far away.

True enough, recently I have noticed
her arms have become flatter like wings
and her toes have developed claws.
I hear her fluttering in her bedroom
at nights when he is not there
and last night,
I heard my mother singing a song -

Ooo-ooo-wee, chirpy-chirpy, cheep, cheep...

Galway triumphant in Swift Satire

2011-06-25T12:34:00.003+01:00

It was a Galway one-two in the final of the Boyne Writers Swift Satire competition with Elizabeth Power and the redoubtable Maureen Gallagher coming in first and second respectively. An observer more churlish than I would suggest it is only fitting as Galway are unlikely to win anything else this year. And Margaret Costello from Drogheda took third spot, which means the men were well and truly gazumped. Full results here

Judge Donal Kelly commented that "tight, spare, writing and lightness of touch lifted the winning entry clear of the pack. In contrast, many of the others made heavy weather in referencing the faults of builders, bankers and politicians. Four years into the recession it was all a bit passe. The exception was the runner-up who showed imagination and humour and gave us a neat Swiftian ending."

As for myself, I can't pretend I'm not a tad disappointed. I thought my effort was one of the best I'd written for a long time and incorporated all the clever rhymes and elements of farce that Swift embodied. And I never mentioned builders, bankers or politicians! But it obviously wasn't quite good enough. Back to the drawing board!

At least I can console myself with the fact that for once Sean Lyons never whupped my ass...

Bridport Prize

2011-06-22T19:23:00.002+01:00

The Bridport Prize is one of the biggies with a first prize of £5000 (sterling) for one poem.
Last year though though I spent two days trawling through the massive shortlist trying unsuccessfully to find my name. I've no idea what the total amount of entries was but if the shortlist was 180+, I'd say it had to be 900+.
This year I've been a lot more selective about which competitions I enter. At £6 a poem, it exceeds my limit and I'm not good enough to be picked out of a pot that size. So not for me.
But if you're interested, the closing date is end of June.